Someday Im'a Stop Tryin' To Borrow Your Car

My apologies for the ridiculous break in between posts. Writing a blog is akin to going to a gym you pay $45 per month for: You keep telling yourself to do it, however it's easy for the smallest amount of "life" to get in the way. With all of that said, the show must go on...

I've begun coaching my third sport in Saipan. Basketball out here is a different animal, as there is no direct competition from other leagues (baseball), and the kids out here are genuinely excited and knowledgeable about the game (I cannot say the same about golf). The MHS Dolphins are two weeks into practices and I'm about 75% certain that we'll be bringing home some hardware this year. It's hysterical how much you can get out of a kid in basketball versus baseball. In baseball you're lucky to keep them in uniform, away from the girls in the bleachers, and not chewing Betel Nut. In basketball they'll run 3 miles to START a practice and not think anything of doing 50 pushups afterwards. My initial goal was to find players who were both in shape and mentally tough, and I think that has been accomplished. By the way, the baseball team went undefeated. By that I mean Marianas High School fielded the only team on the island. It's tough being perfect.

Bird Island. One view provides a Corona commercial-like view of the Pacific Ocean. Upon closer inspection you can see a cliffside that was bombed out during the second World War:

You can almost see a kid in the Navy pointing at this cliff 60 years ago and saying "well, why don't we hit that thing too?":

Regardless of one's view, the hike down from the top of the trail requires less endurance yet more agility than the hike to Forbidden Island. One false step on the trek to Bird and you'll be doing the egg-beater down a cliffside filled with rocks, trees, and assorted jungle-dwelling animals. Fortunately, Emily and I were up to the challenge and snapped a few photos at sea level. The aforementioned isle is behind my right ear:

Thanksgiving couldn't have gone better. 50 bucks for a completely prepared meal with a turkey, stuffing, spuds, gravy, rolls, wine, and pie. It would have cost us about the same (if not more) to purchase and prepare the food on our own, so it was a no-brainer. Once again, the double-edged sword of cheap labor presented itself. How they can afford to crank out hundreds of meals at an apparent net loss bewilders me. Emily and I invited the usual suspects (Andy and Lauren) along with our new neighbor Amy (the Postmaster General of Saipan) and a Korean family we have become friends with. It would appear Namia and her daughter Jennifer have acclimated to the island lifestyle, hence their level of comfort with the plumeria flowers strewn about their cabezas in the photo: 

With the news of Grace Market's closing, Andy and I decided to honor them with a few purchases from the store followed by some croquet in the yard. Wickets are hard to come by, as leaving them out in the yard has resulted in them either being lost, blown away, or stolen by Emerald Tree Monitor Lizards. So, sometimes you have to improvise. I'm guessing Mike the Hammer at Gold-Me Garage approves of this improvised ingenuity:

Getting the mallets was another story. As I dusted off the canvas carrying case I awoke two anole lizards that had apparently set up their base camp within the bag. After a quick flick to their bellies (you can't permanently injure a lizard by hitting them in the belly), they got the message and fled to a nearby wall. While I would have liked to harass them for awhile, there was croquet to be played:

Stick/Wicket/Grass/Jungle/Ocean. In December. There's a 100% chance I will have moments in the future when I will deeply regret leaving this place. 

I have another six weeks off until my college gig starts up again, so in the meantime I have my Saturdays free. I usually spend them on Skype (my user name is sjents...holler at your boy!), however the fading away of the rainy season has opened up all sorts of options. Laying on my couch and surfing the internet, tennis, Laying on my couch and surfing the internet, going to the beach, running errands, and Laying on my couch and surfing the internet have worked their way into my Saturday schedule. I'll be back at it once again in late January, so for those of you in the CNMI reading this, sign up for CJ 104 early; my class last semester filled up in 48 hours.

BONUS ROUND!

-I will do everything I can to figure out how to get video on this blog. The first two flicks will likely be a tour of my yard and Christmas Caroling from the Refaluwasch (Carolinian) Cultural club for whom I am the faculty advisor. I'll be chaperoning their caroling throughout the island next week, and hopefully I'll have some decent footage by the time it's all said and done. Believe that Christmas songs sound more fun when accompanied with a ukelele.

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Week Month: My moped has a slight gas leak that only rears its ugly head when the tank is nearly full. After my last fill up I stopped by Welcome Super Market (Sorry Grace!) to grab some veggies for a salad. As I exited the store I was told by not one, not two, not three, but FOUR PEOPLE that I had a gas leak. The puddle underneath the scooter was about the size of a softball, yet seemingly half of the island knew about the leak. When I do gas up I inevitably end up in a conversation with the gas attendant about the bike. I just need to wear a shirt that says "I rent it. It gets about 70 miles to the gallon. Yes, I realize there is a gas leak. Yes, it sucks to ride this in the rain" and those conversations would be moot.

-Grace Market's closing has reminded me of how many random items exist in the average Saipan market. Everything is marked at closeout prices and is condensed to a smaller and smaller area as things are sold. But still, isn't it a bit funny to see a hair dryer for sale next to a case of energy drinks, which is next to a case of Ramen noodles? The rules of retail-display marketing simply don't apply here, and I honestly think we're all better off for it.

-Going to the beach on a Saturday deserves the infamous pose:

Until the next one...

Ten Years

What up, Mike.

It's been a decade since you passed away. Yeah, man. 10 years. My bro got married to Amy. They have a daughter and a son on the way. Katie got married, too. She has a son and a daughter. All of their kids would be crazy about you. I'm a teacher now, on some crazy island in the middle of nowhere. Something tells me that if you were alive you'd have beat me to this place...

It's tough to write this and not get emotionally charged. It still hurts to think about you and the night you decided to take your own life. I can still hear every car hitting that pothole just north of your house. Red lights flashing. Dumb Cops. An ambulance. My dad telling me that you didn't make it. People pouring into Helen Court. At first we didn't believe it, then we bawled our eyes out, wondering what we were going to do without you. I'm still not sure whether I hate you or I commend you for that moment. In that moment we were confronted with not only your mortality but ours as well. After all, if someone like you threw 3/4 of their life away, the rest of us had to pick up the slack, right?

Ten years ago the world lost more than a son. It lost more than a brother. It lost more than a cousin/nephew/buddy/friend. It lost a true, honest-to-god unique spirit, and for that we all suffer. It may not have dawned on you at the time but people looked up to you and held you in the highest of regard. I could go on and on about the people whose lives were lessened that day, however this isn't about them. It's about you.

We miss hanging out with you.

We miss seeing you bust into the front door of a party wearing some random mask and doing a crazy dance.

We miss the level-headed conversations with you.

We miss the crazy hair, the uber-white teeth, and the khakis.

We miss your willingness to pick us up in the middle of the night because we did something stupid and you're the only one we can count on.

We miss you.

Ten years ago you chose to move on. You might be in a different world right now. A different body. You might be none of the above. But there is no chance that the memory of you is gone. I have thought about you every day since you left, and so has anyone who knew you. Some of us got tattoos of your initials on our arms and backs and legs. Others have permanent heartbreak in lieu of the ink. There's one thing that we can all agree on: This world would have been a hell of alot more fun with you here.

There are some who haven't made it for these ten years. Your mom passed away a few years after you did. If there's a heaven I'm sure she slapped you upside the head when she got there. I'm also sure that she made sure you and Crossfield were at the gate to greet Jake when he showed up over the weekend. I sincerely hope that all of you are having a drink and laughing at the crazy world we "live" in.

Ten years. I have no idea what your life would look like now if you'd stayed with us. Then again, I'd have no idea what my life would have looked like if you'd stayed. Most people like to chalk up tragedies to the age-old wisdom of "things happen for a reason", but in your case I'd like to see reason fail. I'd like to see what life would be like with you alive. That's just me being selfish, I guess.

Rest In Peace, Michael Joseph Hogen. We miss you and we love you more than you know.

-Steve

Socrates' Philosophies And Hypotheses

Sometimes karma pays you back for that time you gave that homeless dude $5, or that time you held a door open that extra 20 seconds so that one secretary with their hand full could make it through the door a bit easier. Last Thursday was one of those times for me. I was running a bit late to school and decided to try to best my record of 17 minutes from door-to-door between my place and Marianas High School. Speeding? Sure. Speeding through a school zone? You bet. Cutting off a Toyota SUV that was going a bit too slow for my liking? Why not. I passed the Toyota and burned through a red light, only to see the Sequoia run the light behind me. "Ahhh, a man close to my heart" I thought. Red lights in Saipan are more suggestions than rules and it was nice to see someone else disregard the traffic signal. Sweet Jesus did my heart sink when I saw an arm stick out of the driver's window, placing a blue flasher on top of the truck.

Ugh. UUUUGGGGGGGH.

We all know that feeling. You've been caught dead-to-rights, and there's nothing you can do at that point, save for pleading for leniency.

"Pull over! You're RECKLESS!"

The scooter made it to the side of the road and I stepped off of it to plead my case. After 20 seconds of the humble "I know what I did was stupid, I'm late" speech I was told to "Zip it". I resisted the urge to spout off with the easy Austin Powers quote.

Cop: "You sped through a school zone, cut me off, and ran a red light doing 60 miles per hour ON A SCOOTER! We're talking 2 or 3 hundred dollars fine!"

Me: "Yeah...but I'm still running late for work, so if you're going to write me a ticket you may as well get it over with"

Cop: "Where do you work?"

Me: "Marianas High School"

Cop: "Go! Just drive slow from now on"

God Bless Saipan. I'm convinced I could do almost anything here and get away with it once people find out I'm a teacher. Let that be a lesson to you ingrates in the upper midwest.

The photo above? A mother cat who has taken up residence in the "hallways" around the D Building at MHS. It was nursing a litter of 5-6 as recent as two weeks ago. One of the kittens took the initiative to leave mama's teat long enough to kill a small Hilitai (Monitor Lizard). You read that right. A freakin' NURSING KITTEN took out a lizard that was 3/4 its size. I remember growing up with cats and catching the occasional "Hey D-Bag, if I were 70lbs heavier I'd kill you right now" look from them, however when you see house cats one or two generations removed from domestication you witness some Planet Earth shit. There is one cat going the other way, though:

Tiger. I have no backbone when it comes to this guy. He begs for food, I feed him. He wants to run around between my feet and follow me around the yard, I let him. Note: This is not my cat, this is a cat that lives in the jungle for the majority of the day. He was a bit more fierce until a street dog ripped his throat out last year and he's been understandably dependent on humans since the incident. He's healed nicely, however the months of leaving food out for him have turned him into more Garfield than Shere Khan. As long as he stays out of my trashcan and doesn't spray my furniture, we're good.

I had to take a picture of the sunset a couple of nights ago because it's one of the few I've seen. The rainy season has been brutal thus far, with eight parts of gray and rain to one part of sun and gentle breeze. The scooter has held up well, although my last round of golf was especially wet. I know, I know..."white whine". Still, I have no idea how people in Seattle or Glasgow deal with life. Much like Fat/Dumb/Drunk, Rain and Clouds is no way to go through life. The rain has made baseball practices a bit touchy as the inevitable puddles around the bases lead to pitching/catching + soft toss-only work. Our first game is allegedly next week (again, Island Time = Island Schedule) and I truly hope we're ready. The team seems to be long on motivation and short on talent in comparison to last year's, so here's hoping that "wanting it more than the other team" works out this time.

The language barrier in Saipan has officially bitten me in the ass. While I made it through last year with a combination of hand signals and physical gestures, I was shown that being the "outsider" has its detriments. Case in point: I went to Gene's Barber Shop on Saturday to get my locks trimmed. After showing the barber the amount of hair I wanted cut off (2") and mimicking the use of scissors on my hair to confirm as such I received a nod and a smile. You see, the language barrier works both ways. As we could share no words I was given the opportunity to zone out for 10 minutes. Now, while I find conversation to be great when I get my hair cut from certain people in The States, most of the time I am just waiting for the cape to come off so I can pay, leave a tip (if you don't tip the person that cuts your hair, start NOW), and get out of there so I can get on with the rest of my day. The lack of verbal banter in this instance was welcome and in fact a blessing. I had just finished teaching my college class and was in need of an activity which required zero mental exhertion, thus a haircut by someone who speaks no English was a safe bet.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

A breeze came through the room and I felt it on the side of my head. "It's probably just the wet hair, but it shouldn't be that cold". As I awoke from my semi-daze I saw it. No, not "Forrest Gump" or "Army High-and-Tight" or anything that bad, but the man had shorn nearly a half of foot of hair from my head. I glanced down at the floor and saw it filled with patches, strands, and clumps of what was previously on my head. For those of you that know me, think to when I was in the military and kept a fade. It's slightly longer than that now.

"Hey, uh, man, I thought I told you to take this much off (holding fingers 2" apart)

"Yes, yes! (Holding fingers apart) "This much left!"

Lesson learned. I guess I'm going the rest of the year without a haircut again.

As I returned to my place I was hesitant to show Emily the damage. She glanced at it for a second and said it looked good, so clearly I'm "that guy" who cares more about his hair than other people do. I need some beef jerky, a Bud, and an unfiltered cigarette to get back my manliness. If this place had scratch-off lottery tickets I'd be in for a dozen. Maybe a new tattoo will do the trick.

Bonus Round!!!!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment Of The Week: I almost sent a text message reading "Hey, if you're coming over soon watch out for the cow before you get to my driveway". Apparently we're smack dab in the middle of "let your cow graze wherever it wants to" season.

-I was named the faculty advisor to the Refaluwasch Cultural Club. This is the Carolinian kids' club and they meet in my room on Wednesday afternoons to complain about the members who are late, chew betel nut, and address two to three out of the ten agenda items they have brought for the meeting. I've suggested a few fund raising ideas and one involves a raffle with the winner getting the chance to shave my head in front of the whole school. Perhaps I'll have another hair cut out here after all.

-These are lofty times on the North Side. A new grocery store named "Welcome Market" will be opening soon and guesses abound as to its potential quality. It is located about a quarter mile from my place, and proximity is key when you ride a scooter during the rainy season. If it's another run-of-the mill place that has an aisle of Spam, a freezer full of oxidized beef, and eight types of betel nut I will be sorely disappointed. If it is on par with Triple J Super Fresh (seriously, you have to love the names out here) my quality of life will increase dramatically in short time. Think about a non-chain grocery store opening up close to you and realizing that it could be anything between a replica of Aldi's 50% off section and a Kowalski's. Indeed, supermarkets are a high stakes game out here, son!

-A Plumeria flower behind the ear turns anyone into an island girl. Don't believe me? Try it yourself. Guaranteed results. To wit, Emily (L) and Lauren (R) at the pavilion outside of my apartment:

Until the next one...

Ya'll Wanna Know Why He Don't Stop

15 minutes ago my scooter pulled up to a stop outside my apartment. Immediately I went for the solace of a Red Horse (more on that later) and sat down with a head full of "sh*t, I need to get that done sooner than I thought" and "maybe it would be a good idea to look at my lesson plans again". Indeed, I just got back from the first day of school. The kids seem great for the most part as I know quite a few of my current students from different classes/sports that I taught/coached last year. Whether that helps or hurts remains to be seen. With Day 1 out of 180 in the books I can safely say once again that I am happy to have made the career change from cubicle jockey to teacher. Sure, there's nothing like getting an unexpected bonus, and there's plenty to be said for taking home a couple of grand a week, but there is simply no substitute for having 130 kids cycling through your doors each day, ready and willing to learn whatever it is you'd like to teach them that day. I'm can't remember the quote exactly or who said it, but "my job is to keep you entertained for as much of your time as I've asked" seems as appropriate for teaching as it does for show business. While that may sound simplistic, it's the ethos of how I run a classroom. Smoke and mirrors, baby!

Ahhh, Red Horse. As much as I'd like to keep my vices away from this blog...well...today was the first day of school. Red Horse is Filipino Malt Liquor, and the proper way to drink it is on the rocks. You read that correctly. Beer and Ice. It's some strong stuff and much cheaper than its Anheuser cousins, so I'm not going to argue.

On Sunday I had the pleasure of joining David Kim, the CFO of Lao Lao Bay Resort, for lunch and a round of golf. How did I get my clubs to the course, you ask?

Hey, you can take the man out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the man. After arriving and eating I proceeded to stumble around the West Course (much more challenging than the East) with a 90. I hope to do better next time. Then again, some of the views make you realize that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters in the end:

Yahtzee. I will take more photos of the course and will eventually get around to posting another couple of albums on Facebook along with some pics of me sailing (What up Klaus?) sometime in the next two weeks.

"Oh that's right, I live in Saipan" moment of the week: I was working on Marianas High School's accreditation for the week before school started. In my focus group were quite a few local ladies who made it a point to have snacks on hand at all times. A bag of Twizzlers was passed around...

Counselor Lady: "Mr. Jents, do you want to try some Twizzlers?"

Me: "Nah, that's ok."

Counselor Lady: "But Mr. Jents, they're from THE STATES!"

Me: "I just came from The States. I've been eating nothing but States food for 2 months. I'm good"

Local Ladies (in unison): "What did you bring back for us?"

Me: "I have some beef jerky I guess"

Local Ladies: "You should bring it in for us! Try some of the Twizzlers!"

Me (in my own head): "But, you see...the Twizzlers you are eating and the beef jerky I have...well...they're available on the island if you cared to look around"

Bonus Round!!!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment Of The Week: I actually took a photo with my phone of this but it doesn't show up well on the blog. Please believe me this happened: I was driving behind a truck that seemed to have a small dog tied up in the bed. As I got closer I realized this was no dog...it was a deer. Effing BAMBI was tethered to the inside of a Ford Ranger bed. I have no idea if the fawn will be grown and used for venison or if they're going to train it for some crazy Micronesian hooved animal Olympics I'm not aware of. God Bless Saipan.

-The "rainy season" hasn't been difficult to deal with, which is HUGE for someone who relies on a moped for transportation. I realize it will catch up with me soon, however I'm enjoying the two-wheeled lifestyle quite a bit. Eventually, however, the guy with 9-3 suited gets tossed from a poker table, and I'll be forced to don a poncho for a majority of the time.

-I'm beginning extremely preliminary steps toward relocating after this year. Saipan may be great for awhile, but this place is TINY. If I don't land back in MN I will likely be in Central/South America or the Caribbean for a year before I come back. Don't get it twisted: I love MN, WI, and everyone there, however you'll be realizing the demerits of living there in a month when you're raking and two months after that when you're shoveling. It's been 86 degrees and sunny every day for the last week and it will be like this for awhile. It doesn't get old, folks.

-My new principal seems laid back and as a result I think I'll be able to take as much time off as I need this year. I'm only saying this as a ploy to get people to come out here to visit me. Sure, I may have to teach a day here or there and I would be more than happy to have you observe if that's something you're interested in. But please, if the only thing keeping you (and by "you" I am referring to quite a few people) from coming out is worrying whether or not I'll be able to spend time with you, worry no more.

-School-Realted Quote of the Week:

Me: "We have Ipads, Ipods, e-books, and the internet. Where do you think technology is headed next?"

Random Student: "Robots"

Me: "Robots that do what?"

Random Student: "They'll make things for you"

Me: "There are robots that make things"

Random Student: "But do they have robots that can make you pizza whenever you want it?"

Me: "Well...hmmm...that would actually be kind of awesome now that I think about it"

Until the next one...

Two Trailer Park Girls Go Round The Outside

"Mr. Jents, there's a problem with your scooter"

I suppose the suspense is now gone for the "Car-related moment of the week". Indeed, within 24 hours of renting a scooter I was beckoned to the always inviting parking lot of Marianas High School. While waiting for the police to show up I got filled in on the details of the accident; Apparently a member of my school's support staff was in a hurry to get to the post office and didn't see my scooter as he was backing up. In broad daylight. In the middle of the parking lot. Upon his arrival the cop read my mind and started in on the truck owner. "It's not like it was hidden or anything like that. How did you not see a scooter parked directly behind you?" This exchange lasted roughly 15 minutes until a tow truck driver arrived to winch the rear end of the Ranger up high enough for the bike to be freed. The scooter rental place took the broken machine back and gave me a new one, and I was immediately thrilled with the fact I chose to rent the scooter versus buying it outright. After dealing with accident-related insurance business at home this summer I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to do it out here. "Sorry mister, we won't have your money until everyone pays their premiums on payday!"

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. I'm back on the island and have been for just short of a week. Miraculously I adjusted to the time difference within 2 days and I have no problems waking up or going to bed at the proper times. Being back feels nice, as the overnight lows in MN were approaching "Dammit, I can see my breath. Ugh." levels.

I gave my first lecture at the college last Saturday. The semester has been shortened to 14 weeks to accommodate foreign students who don't have visas, as the "new" immigration regulations go into effect on November 28th. Methinks Thanksgiving time will make for great shopping opportunities. My goal is to buy a car and a TV for less than $100...I'll let you know how that goes. Regardless, being back in the classroom felt great and I can't wait for the year to start at the high school. My classroom at MHS...well...uh....it's a work in progress:


I've been given my rosters and I may actually have a class period or two with less than 30 students, which is amazing here. I'll be teaching 4 sections of U.S. History for both the first and second semesters, thus I'll only have one class to prepare for. That, my friends, is GOLD to a teacher.


IT'S ALIVE!!! This friggin' cat has survived worms, tropical storms, and a throat wound which appeared mortal until Andy's sister treated it with a combination of Bacitracin and Tanqueray. Not sure how the cat felt about booze being dumped into his open trachea, but hey, if you're on the edge of death you shouldn't pass up free gin.

Coming back to Saipan has been quite the experience. For the first few days I felt like the shifty-eyed Prodigal Son of many a spaghetti western who owed money all over town. There were fees paid to the power company. There were fees paid to the cell phone company. There was a PO Box to renew. There was the "you have got to be effing kidding me I have to buy ketchup again" shopping trip that one goes through whenever you start over in a new place or come back to one after a couple of months. Regardless, I've kept my head above water thus far and everything seems to be getting easier. Yep, it's still hot and humid here, and a nearby tropical depression caused roughly seven million inches of rain during the last week. I've found a poncho/sunglasses combo works best when riding a scooter in the rain, and I'll likely bring a few shirts and a pair or two of shorts into school for the days when the $1.50 Coleman Rain Shield doesn't do the trick.

Whoo-hoooo! This blog topped 10k hits within the first year! Quite a few people checked out the "So you want to teach in Saipan?" post, and I hope they found it helpful in their decision and/or preparation to come out here. Marianas High School is still looking for 2 math, 2 science, and 1 language arts teacher as well as 2 CTE (Career and Technical Education) teachers who could teach anything they had verifiable experience in (Landscaping, Plumbing, Construction, Cabinetry, Electronics, etc). If you have a 4-year degree they'll hire you ASAP and you can take the Praxis certification tests sometime this school year. For the CTE gigs you'd simply need to have a degree from a 2-year institute. So for you folks in the Trades that are sitting on your union benches: Get out here.

BONUS ROUND!!!

-The first purchase upon returning to Grace Market, my local shop: Soju and Diet Coke. There's also a box of Magic Creams there with my name ALL OVER it.

-The first thing I did upon entering my apartment: Swept up about a half pound of gecko poop. These mofos are relentless and they've found places to hide.

-Fruits currently in my yard: Star Fruit, Atis, Limes (!!!), Sour Melon, Coconut, and Papaya. No sign of mangoes yet, and bananas/tangerines/pineapples are likely just down the street. If anything I can purchase them for next to nothing at the veggie stand next to Grace.

-To those in MNWI/etc I didn't get a chance to hang out with this summer: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I wish six weeks lasted longer than it does. Don't let me off the hook next summer.

-Bwahahaha! While writing this blog post the weather went from sunny and breezy to monsoon rain for 20 seconds before turning back to sunny and breezy. God Bless Saipan.

-While messing around online I found a few cheap flights (around $1400) to here from MN during October. I realize that isn't the best month for people to visit, however take a peek at kayak.com, delta.com, and continental.com if you're interested. I'd do a bit more research and give exact dates, however internet speeds out here seem to have a crazy negative mechanical advantage. Simply put: If it takes you 10 minutes to do something online in The States it would take an hour to do it in Saipan. Factor in "island time" and we're talking an hour and a half.

-I'll be coaching baseball once again, this time with Andy being the assistant coach. Emily says she'd like to learn about baseball (she's from BOSTON...talk about a lucky place to be a sports fan!) and I might drag her to a few games, It's safe to say we'll be the only 3 white people on or around the field at all times.

-It's fun to be writing on here again. I hope to post one blog per week with 3-4 pictures on each throughout the school year. There's a valley that I can see from my apartment balcony that was called Harakiri Gulch during World War 2 and I plan on hiking through it sometime this week. I'm guessing I'll be able to find a few decent photos there and get them on here within the next few days.

Until the next one...

Lotta Heavy Liftin' Lotta Deep Breathin'

While this may very well be the last post I put together this school year, rest assured there will be more come late August. It's been a hell of a ride this year, but please don't expect any of the following cliches from me:

-"I've learned so much about (choose: another culture, myself, life in general)"

-"You really should think about adopting a less connected, less material-based lifestyle"

-"I lived without a TV for a long time; it's not that bad"

-"EVERYONE NEEDS AN EXPERIENCE LIKE THIS"

Simply put: None of those things are true, at least for me. Sure, I've picked up a little bit of knowledge regarding Micronesia et al, however Saipan is much like anywhere else in the world in most cases. There are nice people and there are d-bags. There are great deals to be had in some places, however the guy across the street is trying to rip you off. Fresh fruit (like, "fresh from the tree in my backyard") is awesome, but almost everything else (veggies, meat) comes frozen from The States. Some neighbors get under your skin, others always seem to lend a helping hand at the right time. Some days you eat the bear, and some days blah blah blah.

Some things I've learned in year one:

-People eat weird things. Not like "EWWW, I can't believe you eat raw fish, but like "Wow. They sell beef bile here" as in the photo above. Think about that for an extra second or two. Not only do people eat beef bile, they pay for it.

-Going without Air Conditioning for a day can be kind of fun in the tropics. You sweat out the entirety of your water weight in an hour, you save money, and you feel like you're "roughing it", if only for a short time. It's like being on a Survivor show, only you get to wake up with an ocean view and know that Diet Cokes and granola bars are a short drive away.

-Everything rusts and breaks in a tropical climate. Camping chairs wither away. Silverware becomes orangish-brownware. White Irish skin becomes red. Bread gets moldy, powdered spices get clumpy, and crackers/chips/cookies are worthless after 12 hours unless you keep them in the refrigerator. Touch-screen phones are extremely, well, touchy due to the humidity.

-Korean food and drink kicks ass. Bulgogi (Korean BBQ Beef), Soju (Korean Rice Liquor), and spicy chicken kabobs have been no small part of my sustenance in Saipan, and I owe the Seoul Patrol much thanks for that.

-It's hot here. Cars don't like heat. Sometimes cars, even yours, will decide to blow up one day while you are on your way home from an auto parts store where you bought a battery because you thought that was the only problem you had and that everything was going to be okay and you have got to be kidding me you are losing power just a quarter mile from home and there's smoke and your temperature gauge is past "H" and you've been through this before and I wonder if the parts place will give a refund on the battery and:

Say hello to my new ride for the next month. For $5/day it seems like a decent deal, and I might just buy one of these bad boys next year when I come back. 2 wheels are better than 4, but during the rainy season my rain gear will make me look like a nun on wheels. It gets me from Point A to Point B, so whatever.

My teaching gig at the college has been done for a few weeks, however I will be back there next year. Indeed, you can toss "International Professor of Criminal Justice" on my resume. The high school gig teaching U.S. History has been great and I am at this time winding down the year by giving my students a project. Last week was the final pep rally of the year, and thankfully there aren't too many photos in existence of that event. I, along with another American dude that teaches at MHS, participated in a choreographed dance number as part of the Sophomore girls' "Bring It On"-style skit that was done in a gym full of 1400 students. I also participated in the Senior class's skit, where I was a priest officiating a wedding. How apropos.

I randomly met the CFO of Lau Lau Bay, a resort-syle golf course in Saipan, and was invited to play a round with him last weekend. While I can play for free at some courses out here given the fact that I coached golf this year (don't ask; I have nightmares about the golf swings out here), I jumped at the opportunity. Free golf is great, but free golf at this place is sublime:

That's the view from the tee box on 13 (a 130 yard Par-3). While you can't see the green in this photo, picture a teebox-->cliff-->ocean------------>cliff-->green. I (honestly) birdied the mofo and tossed my ball into the Pacific, as that's where it would have ended up 7 out of 10 times. The majority of the course is much like this in that a sliced/hooked drive ends up in the ocean. Not bad scenery, indeed, however breaking 80 is a challenge. Shit, breaking 90 is a challenge. In case you're wondering: The greens fees go from $40 for locals all the way up to $200+ for tourists. While you may balk at the price, please understand that the LOBBY is one of the nicest places I've ever seen in my life. Hopefully I will have more pics soon.

BONUS ROUND!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Week/Month: Another "I wish I had a picture for this" deal, but you best believe it happened. A truck bed full of laborers was in front of me on my way to school. It began to rain, and a guy sitting in the truck bed simply grabbed the back of the shirt of the man sitting in front of him and pulled it over his head to protect him from the precipitation. You have to ask yourself: Better to be rained on, or be rained on through the shirt of someone else?

-I've made two new salsas over the past week from things either found in my yard or purchased extremely cheap at markets. Pineapple is in season, and one of those bad boys + red onion + honey + salt & pepper + Thai hot pepper: Gold. Also, mango + red onion + avocado + salt & pepper is outstanding with chicken. Homeboy learned how to cook in Saipan! With that said, I will be dominating fast food in The States when I get back. Arby's, BK, you name it...I'll be there.

-For those of you who have sent a card/letter/package out to me (Moms & Pops, Maplewood Jents Fam, Baldwin Jensen Fam, Woodbury Burns Clan, Cuz's Mark & Cathy, The Kerns, KC and Bekah, etc), I will be bringing home plenty of Tinian Hot Pepper Sauce and other things for you. Your thoughtfulness has certainly not gone unnoticed. I'll be in MN in 22 days...see you then.

-I will be back in Saipan next school year (August-June). Start planning to come out here. Again, I live in a 2BR for a reason, so get the cheapest flight possible and I'll see you at the beach. Caveat: Don't come during the first week of April because it apparently rains every day all day for no reason at all. My apologies to Slade and Luke!

Until the next one (this school year or 2011-2012)...

It Will All Come Out In The Wash

Whiplash occurs when a human being is abruptly moved in a direction other than the one in which they were traveling. After this week I feel like I am a candidate for a neck brace and should retain a shyster pay-lawyer in order to seek punitive damages. Before I start actually feeling sorry for myself, allow me to explain the last ten days:

-After 8 months of planning the Alternative Education Program, the school is ready to open.

-A dozen or so teachers at Marianas High School (same campus as the Alt Ed Center) began protesting the principal of the school, as there are 20-some teachers being re-assigned to other schools due to their lack of qualifications at the high school level. For those of you in the loop: They hadn't passed the appropriate Praxis II for their subject and grade level.

-Two of the protesting teachers threatened to leave the school indefinitely if the principal was not removed. Both of those teachers are in the Social Studies Department.

-Cut to last Thursday: The embattled principal of MHS came into the Alternative Education Center and asked for myself and Robyn (another teacher) to grab our stuff and follow him. After a quick meeting with HR, the Commissioner of Education, and the principal, some documents were signed and I was officially transferred to the high school as a US History teacher. I walked directly to my new classroom and realized that I had an uphill battle from the get-go. The students had one teacher for 11 weeks and now a white boy was going to be walking into the room and trying to get them to pay attention. Ugh. My sense of dread went away quickly, as I know almost all of my U.S. History students from subbing at MHS earlier this year. With that issue out of the picture, it was time to roll up my sleeves and figure out what they needed to do to get through the year. Then it happened.

You see...the woman that was teaching this class is being reassigned at the end of this year, and I think this is happening about 2 decades too late. I say that because in Week 12 of an 18 week U.S. History class the students hadn't even learned about Thomas Jefferson yet. For those of you out of the loop the kids should be right around the Cold War at this point, or 150 years farther than these students.

Me: "What have you guys been doing in here? Any projects or anything like that?"

Student A: "No. We have Movie Monday, Free Time Friday, and the rest of the time we do the section reviews in the book"

Student B: "Most of the time we don't even do the section reviews. You can write anything down and she (the teacher) doesn't notice. She just gives you an A"

Hmm...looks like I have my work cut out for me! Teaching 150 years of history in 6 weeks should be fun.

In college news, Northern Marianas College is bringing me back to teach a section or two next year, thus my "as long as you don't burn the place down, they'll keep you" philosophy is still intact.

I had the pleasure of walking around American Memorial Park a week or so ago. There is a fantastic beach/park on the ocean side of the property (pics on Facebook), and it is easily the cleanest-kept park on the island. There are several memorials to those who served in the campaign to liberate the Mariana Islands, and the museum shows a movie that boils the battle (and the War in the Pacific) down to a nice 30-minute lesson. If I had a bus I'd be hauling my history class here, as very few students know much about WWII here.

Yet another shot of Forbidden Island. The "hard work = more rewarding" principle holds true with Forbidden Island, as it is a BEAST to hike back up from the shoreline. No, it certainly isn't as difficult as scaling K2 or Everest, however Hillary and the sherpas aren't breathing 87 degree/100% humidity air on their way up.

My return to the U.S. is coming up sooner than later. 6 weeks from Tuesday I will be jumping on a plane in Saipan, stopping in Tokyo, LA, and eventually landing in Vegas that same day. I'll be in Sin City for a few days and will then return to Minnesota. I'll be home for just about 2 months, and I certainly owe a few folks HUGE from packages being sent out my way (Cathy, that Chex Mix is God's Currency), so don't be a stranger when I get back. After all, I get paid throughout the summer and don't technically have to get a job, so I'll have plenty of free time to meet up with ya'll.

BONUS ROUND!

-Above pic: Bomb Shelter in Tinian. Much, much smaller than you'd think. A 4-foot-6 person would have difficulty getting around in one of these bad boys.

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Week: I know it's commonplace to see cars with a window comprised of tape and plastic. After all, when one walks out to find one of their car window broken, the first thought is inventory and the second is "I need to get to work, so I guess this duct tape and Cub Foods bag will have to do for now". That kind of thing happens...I completely understand. But have you seen a windshield comprised of a clear plastic sheet and MASKING tape? I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me a couple of days ago, but as I passed a Hyundai I verified the tarp/tape windshield. If I only had my camera...

-If you need a counter-argument to silence people incessant whining about gas prices: I pay $4.85 out here for a gallon of regular gasoline. Tinian is around $5.50, and Rota is over 6 bucks. Granted this place is much smaller than, say, Rhode Island, but filling up a Camry shouldn't cost $60. Ouch.

-I just purchased a croquet set on clearance in order to double the amount of lawn games we have at the ranch. If Croquet's not your thing, we have horseshoes. I guess I'm just saying that I'm going to be back here next school year, and visitors are more than welcome. Hopefully you don't get rained on 75% of the time like my last two envoys from MN!

-I give the finals for the college class on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday I'll begin coaching golf. Indeed, I am staying busy, however you must know that "coaching golf" = "golf for free", so it's not like I'm sacrificing a ton.

-Happy Mothers Day from Micronesia!

Until the next one...

50 Inch Screen Money Green Leather Sofa

It's been far too long since the last post, thus I've chosen to toss a ton of pics up on this one and also on Facebook...get at me on there if you haven't already.

I'll begin with the #2 best Saipan-related car moment since I've landed here. Since I cannot go back in time to photograph #1 (a cow being herded by a pick-up), this is as good as you're going to get:

Yep...towing a 1/2 shell of an old pickup truck while kids are "driving it". I tried for about 15 minutes to wrap my head around this. Were they towing the truck to another location? Was this done intentionally as a recreational activity? Did the brakes work in the rear truck? What are they using as a tow bar? Regardless, God Bless Saipan.

I recently has two visitors out from the frozen tundra. Slade and Luke arrived just after midnight on a Friday morning and stayed until Tuesday morning. Life wouldn't be life unless it rained a majority of the time they were here, however we did get one incredibly nice day on the island of Tinian which is about 3.5 miles from the southern tip of Saipan. Getting there isn't too difficult, however your options are certainly limited. The casino on Tinian owns a ferry which was used in the past to haul people in between the two islands, however the boat has been "under repairs" since September so the only two options are two swim 3.5 miles through Tiger Shark Country ("not today...I ate like 15 minutes ago so I shouldn't be going into the ocean") or ponying up $70 for a round trip flight on Freedom Air. Slade and Luke had their first brush with "island time" at the airport, the Freedom Air employees told us it would be 15 -20 minutes until our flight left. An hour and a half later we were ushered onto the tarmac. I personally like flying in planes so it was no big deal to me when I saw our plane...

That's right, pilot + 5 passengers. One honestly climbs aboard by stepping onto the wing and, I kid you not, folding the front seat forward and getting in the back like a 2-door car. If you are afraid of flying I'd strongly suggest against this trip. The good times kept rolling during the taxi around the air strip, as Luke had to hold one of the doors open for "air conditioning". The pilot slammed it shut about 10 seconds before takeoff. Seriously, this place feels more and more like an Indiana Jones movie set every day.

The flight itself lasted about 10 minutes, and once we landed in Tinian it was a race against the sunset. Scooters were rented for $20 from a woman who spends her days alternating between filling out rental applications/insurance forms and chilling in a hammock with her kids. Not a bad gig, all things considered. We spun down to Taga Beach to begin our exploration of the island, and we hadn't been there more than five minutes when I slipped on a large underwater rock and landed flat on my ass Joe-Pesci-in-Home-Alone-style. After the beach we made a beeline for the northern part of the island which contains Runway Able and the pits where the Atomic Bombs were loaded onto the Enola Gay and Bockscar. Indeed, this portion of the island served as an incredible reminder that a World War was fought here and it was strange to see all of these monuments without the compulsory "keep 10 feet away" rope/fence that you would encounter in The States. Do you want to go into a bombed-out radio control station? Wanna crawl through an old Air Raid shelter? Feel free. Just about the only thing that was remotely "protected" were the bomb pits themselves, however that was likely due to the pictures they have inside the pits which show the transportation of the bombs to and from the 4'x10' box you are standing next to:

What was once in this pit, along with the other one 500 feet away, was the singular cause of 250,000 deaths and brought WWII to its end. Heavy stuff. After checking out a few more memorials and landmarks we returned to the Tinian Dynasty Hotel & Casino, which I can loosely describe as a dystopian downtown Vegas casino. 50 employees for maybe a dozen hotel guests/gamblers. I was waiting for Jack Nicholson to bust our door in with an axe at any moment. Quick word to the wise: Ask for American-style beds when traveling through Asia; these folks must sleep on slabs of concrete at home.

Slade and Luke caught a lecture in my college class the following day...it was odd having friends in a class when I was kicking knowledge to regular students, but they said it was fun so it's all good. They left the following day to Osaka, thus it was back to "real life" for me which consists of hanging out in the Alternative Education School and waiting for some mysterious force several pay grades above me to give us the green light to open. I initially interviewed with the CNMI school district exactly one year ago in Minneapolis, and I have yet to begin the job that I got hired for. Again: Island Time. As long as the checks keep coming I won't be too upset about it, although I really do wish I was doing something a bit more substantive than looking at box scores on espn.com and staying up to date on Facebook.

Thai New Year was a few nights ago and a few bars on the island were celebrating. Apparently the New Year's celebration consists of getting drenched by little kids with squirt guns and 5 foot-tall waitresses with pint glasses. The water symbolizes money/luck in the coming year, and there is no shortage of it. I made a mad dash for a random trophy (no idea why I thought that was a good idea) with a seven year-old Filipino kid providing covering fire. It didn't go over so well...

If that weren't enough, the second part of the celebration is to get covered in baby powder. I'm not sure what the significance is, however ignorance did not spare me from attacks from all sides. I ended up looking like The Joker. Happy New Year!

Next year I'll be a bit wiser and bring some Zip-Lock bags. And maybe a towel.

Spring break has been a long time coming, however the wait was worth it. I don't have to go back to work for another 8 days, and with the arrival of the new (allegedly) super-duper-awesome tanning lotion I'll hopefully be a few shades darker by this time next week. I have very few plans other than to golf, play horseshoes, lay at the beach, and catch up with people on Skype. It's tough to imagine my life being any more laid-back than it is right now, but I intend on making it happen.

BONUS ROUND!

-I started Spring Break off with a bang by hiking down to Forbidden Island with Emily. The hike down was a cakewalk, and tide was just starting to come in, leading to the always cool two-toned effect in the ocean. Electric green tide pools and dark blue water in the sea.

-Mangoes are starting to bloom, so hopefully I'll have some more fruit in short order. I've recently discovered the medicinal properties of noni (smells and taste like garbage), the deliciousness of lobster (I have no idea why I never ate this stuff before), and the benefit of adding a little bit of garlic to just about every dinner. Granted, I still HOUSE McDonald's once a week, but it's fair to say I've expanded my culinary horizons quite a bit out here.

-I stopped by a high school dance competition yesterday and it didn't disappoint. The "You Got Served" quotient was through the roof, and it's always great to hear the kids lose it when someone performs a simple dance maneuver (i.e. The Robot). The turnout was incredible...I mean, do you think you could get 90% of a school to show up to a dance competition at the school on the first day of spring break in The States? Team Choreographed Dancing in Saipan = High School Hockey in Minnesota.

-The countdown is on: 64 days until I jump on a plane to head back to The States. I'll be in Vegas for a few days before landing in Minneapolis on June 24th. I honestly cannot wait to see everyone and if you know of any available cash jobs available in July/August let a brother know!

Until the next one...

So You Want To Teach In Saipan?

The spring hiring season is approaching for most school districts, and if you are attending an education job fair in Oregon or Minneapolis any time soon you may come across a booth that advertises sandy beaches and ocean views. The people will be extremely nice and will likely offer you a keychain or water bottle as you complete your application and schedule your interview. No, CNMI does not stand for "C-Something, N-Something Military Institute", it stands for the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. After you hand in your application and conduct your interview, you will likely have many questions dancing in your head about this place, as it is 7,000 miles away from the United States and you've likely never heard of it until the job fair. I've been here for the better part of one school year, and here are some answers to questions you may have:

"What's it like living in Saipan?"

This is difficult to answer in a few sentences. It's 85 degrees every day, it rains for about an hour two or three times per week, almost everyone speaks English, and they use the US Dollar. If you're a glass half-full person, you'll love it. If you're a glass half-empty person, well...you'd better really like the ocean. If you're a very active outdoorsy-type who likes to go on hikes, snorkel, ride mountain bikes, and play sports, this is a great place to be.

"How much does it cost to live in Saipan?"

Housing is ridiculously cheap. I have a decent sized 2BR apartment that overlooks the ocean, and that's on a teacher's salary. You can get by very cheap ($250/mo for some places), but I'm of the opinion that it's worth spending a bit more to have a great view. Everything besides housing, however, is more expensive than in The States. Food: Everything from staples such as milk/OJ/bread/butter to quick eats like McDonald's and Subway is 20-50% more expensive here. No dollar menu, no $5 footlongs. OJ is $6 for a half gallon, and I think milk is about the same. Almost everything has to be shipped here from outside sources, hence the cost. Gas: $4.45/gallon, however the longest drive in Saipan would be about 12 miles one way so it's not a huge issue. Insurance is cheap and there is no sales tax or federal income tax (hey now!), so everything kind of evens out.

"What are some of the positives and negatives of living in Saipan?"

+The aforementioned lack of taxes, cheap housing, VERY laid back attitude
-Laid back attitude = gross inefficiency
+Access to any number of beach or ocean-related activities
-No malls, no large grocery stores...not many things here are "convenient", but you get used to it
+Tropical weather is grossly underrated during December, January, February, and March
-Flights to and from Saipan are not cheap, regardless of your destination. Example: To fly from Saipan to Thailand (a couple thousand miles) is the same price as flying from Minneapolis to Thailand (10,000 miles). Flights aren't cheap, so if you think you'll be able to have access to a ton of places once you're out here, well, you'd better be set up with a trust fund.
+Cheap golf on nice courses with amazing views, and they're almost always empty.
+World Class Snorkeling and Scuba Diving.

"What is teaching like in Saipan?"

Like most places it depends on the particular school you are at. Some schools are run well, some are not. The universal themes which apply to all schools here are, once again, good and bad.

The good:

+Students have more respect for teachers here than ANYWHERE in The States. Seriously, the biggest classroom management issue you might run into is a kid talking out of turn, and even then he'll apologize immediately.

+Teachers here are treated like gold. Everyone holds them in high esteem and their eyes light up when you tell them "I teach at (such-and-such school)", as they undoubtedly know someone at the school. In fact, teachers here are kind of like celebrities...kids will run up to you at department stores just to say hi.

+Laid back lifestyle: Autonomy. As a teacher you can get away with quite a bit more here than you can in most districts in The States. Want to go outside for a class period? Go. Want to go on a field trip? No biggie. Want to go off-topic for days at a time? Have fun.

The Bad:

-There is a lack of support at almost every turn. You are the janitor for your classroom, you are likely the toilet paper supplier for students who need to use the bathroom, you are judge/jury/executioner when it comes to almost everything that happens in your classrooms, and if you are having issues with student attendance it falls on YOU to contact parents, etc. Indeed, it is a bit more in-class work than in the U.S., however it's not too much to handle.

-If you are looking for supplies, paint for your room, furniture, or equipment...good luck. If they have a spare extension cord laying around you'll likely have to fight for it, and if the projector bulb goes out, well...let's hope you have printed copies of that Powerpoint, because it will be weeks and months (if ever) before your projector is back up and running. That brings me to my last point:

-Funding here is a major issue. Classroom supplies often come out of the teacher's pocket. I know what you're thinking..."that happens in the U.S. too". My response: Do any teachers in the U.S. have to buy paint, a mop + bucket, and toilet paper for their classrooms? Again, you're dealing with the bare-bones here. The stipend for coaching a sport is $300 (about 1/10th of what it is in the U.S.), and even that may be going away soon. There is constant chatter that at some point the district will run out of money and will be unable to pay teachers, however almost everyone here thinks that that sentiment is nonsense. Still...good to know.

"I've made up my mind and I'm coming out there. Do you have any advice for when I first get to Saipan?"

Save your money up until the day you get here. Your first paycheck doesn't show up for 5-6 weeks, and before that time you'll need to pay for rent +security deposit, food, entertainment/etc, and transportation. Used cars out here are more expensive than in the U.S., so be prepared to spend $4K-$5K if you want something remotely "nice". I bought a 92 Camry when I got here. Almost nothing electrical works, you can only open one door from the outside, and I have to keep one of the windows held up with tape. Almost everyone agrees I got a steal of a deal for $1000. I'm not joking. You can rent a scooter for $150/month, however it rains quite a bit here from July to November, so plan on getting wet every day. There is no public transportation on the island, so no sense in holding out for a cheap bus pass. Hippie.

When you first get here you'll be nickled and dimed to death. $50 for a Tuberculosis test. $35 for an application fee for your CNMI teaching license (note: both of these need to be done before you can teach). $30 for a local drivers license (you need it...trust me), $30 for a P.O. Box, deposits for your apartment, power, cell phone service/internet, etc. I'm not saying you need to roll here with $5,000 cash in order to make it, but don't show up with $50 in your wallet thinking that you'll be fine. $2k-$3k ensures that you'll be able to make a comfortable move out here.

A few quick things for Saipan noobs:

-Rent a car, scooter, or find a ride to the school district's central office on your first full day in Saipan. They will have things for you to do/sign/initial, and the earlier you get those things done, the better. If you wait until the school year starts you will be too busy to handle these things and will likely have to take a day off just to catch up. No bueno.

-Go to marianasliving.com to get an idea of what kind of apartments are available out here. When you land here the school will put you up at a hotel for a few days. Call Cherry from Marianas Living (her # is on their website) and have her show you apartments...she knows just about everyone on this island and the process for setting up power/water/etc.

-Get a P.O. Box on your first day here. You'll need it for when you apply for electricity, a cell phone, a drivers license, etc. Most people I know have their PO Box at Quick Print on Middle Road.

-Get a drivers license on your first day here. You'll need it for just about everything, and the local discount out here can be dramatic.

-I have my cell phone service through IT & E and my bank account through Bank of Guam (make sure you sign up for BOTH an ATM card and Check Card if you go there). I highly recommend both.

One last thing: 85 and Sunny never, ever gets old.

Until the next one...

I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

Tornado Warnings in the Twin Cities have a familiar pattern: The initial "Uh...does my flashlight have batteries? Do I have a flashlight? Where's the dog?" questions, followed by a cursory glance outside, followed by a soft shake of the head and immediate judgement on whether or not it's "real bad outside", followed by the trek down to the basement or to the front porch to watch the shit go down. I've been through countless Tornado Warnings, all of which have resulted in zero Tornadic activity anywhere near my position on the globe. True, a friend's cabin was destroyed in Siren during a Big One in the early oughts, however I haven't felt the frenzied fear of a Blue Earth County resident when they see funnel clouds or a soccer mom in an affluent suburb when she hears the sirens. Tornados happen, and a large majority of the time everyone is okay afterwards. I was never really scared of Tornados, as there is a zero percent chance I'd have to swim for my life if one descended upon me.

Then Friday night happened.

I received a call from Emily around 4:30pm. Japan. Huge Earthquake. Tsunami Warning. Saipan. Big Water. Indonesia 2004. Where's the flashlight? Grab a bag just in case. Start charging the laptop just in case. Charge the camera just in case. Google Earth tells me I'm 70 meters above sea level and 450 meters from the shoreline. That's weird, it looks much closer from here. Everything should be fine, though. Is my phone charged? What's my canned good situation? Not good. "Hey, I'm going to the store just in case, do you want to come with?". 3 cans of ravioli and some Pringles should hold up, it's not like the entire island is going be flooded. Ok, 2 cans of beef stew just in case. I'll be fine, I live on a hill. Even if the water makes it to Middle Road, it'd still have to climb 100' to get to my building, and I'm on the 2nd floor. 2 packs of Marb Lights just in case. Beer, Rum (There's Only One Way: Tanduay), a few granola bars. Just in case. What's that? The first wave is hitting us at 7? Thanks for the heads-up.

The scene on the streets was part zombie-scare and part post-apocalyptic. A frenzy of non-perishable purchases. Long, stagnant lines at every gas pump on the island. "I've been here for my whole life, we get 2 or 3 of these warnings every year, but I'm going to head to higher ground for this one...did you see what happened in Japan?".

After reaching home I glanced down Middle Road for awhile, squinting to see through the dancing reflection of the sun from the ocean. Bumper to Bumper until 6pm, then...nothing. No Cars. No People. No movement. No sound until I hear a car pull up to the property, then another, then another. It seems as though our maintenance man Lito told his family to evacuate to our property (they must live in a low-lying area). Two very large reassurances:

1) If people were evacuating to our property, it must be pretty safe; and

2) The eldest Filipino evacuee's name was Elvis (white tank top).

After chatting and listening to the radio for a bit I traveled to the roof of my apartment building around 6:45. I mean, if The Big Wave is coming you want a good seat, right? 6:50. 6:55. Should be any minute. 7:00. 7:15. Maybe they were off a bit on the estimated time. 7:30. 7:50. 8:30. Might as well go make dinner.

It was in that moment that I felt a little embarrassed, as I'd clearly overprepared for the occasion. Again, it's nice to have things ready just in case, however I'd never go to those lengths before a snowstorm or a tornado back in MN. Then again, I live in a borderline Third World Country now, so who knows what could have happened if things got bad. The next morning was spent returning calls, texts, emails, and Facebook messages (seriously, I love all of you) I found out that a 3' wave hit parts of Saipan during the Tsunami Warning. For perspective, waves just under that size hit the shoreline every day during high tide. I do realize this was preferable to destruction (Japan doesn't look like much fun right now), however the whole thing was kind of anticlimactic. Suffice it so say: I'm fine. Ten Fingers, Ten Toes, Sight/Taste/Touch/Smell and Hearing are all good. I'm dry, and on some days that's enough to make you happy.

Oh yeah...the photo at the top are some newborn piglets at my neighbor Harry/Henry/Hank's place. You remember him, right?

Saturday morning was eventful as I had been volunteered to judge a "We The People" competition at the CNMI Courthouse in Susupe (about 15 minutes south of where I live). Teams from each of the three high schools in Saipan as well as the one in Rota met for a Civics competition, and they were playing for keeps: The winning team got to advance to the national stage in Washington D.C. Any free trip to The States is a good one, thus there was quite a bit on tension among the squads. I, along with two other judges, was tasked with rotating between four different courtrooms and asking questions regarding the Bill of Rights and scoring the responses appropriately. During the third of four rounds I walked into the CNMI Supreme Court's room, as one of the high schools had the area as theirs for the day. I bypassed the judges' table that was set up for the event (just in front of the real judges' bench) and walked straight for the middle chair at the top. Indeed, I sat for 15 minutes and officiated a competition from the chair occupied by The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the Northern Mariana Islands. No pics, but let me tell you...judges have comfortable chairs.

Bonus Round!!!

-The horseshoe pits are at 90% completion, and by that I mean the construction phase is done. Once I can get my hands on some sand they'll be good to go. One isn't technically supposed to take sand from the beach...I was loudly reminded of that from some random fist-shaking American earlier today during my first attempt. Oh well, the sun has to go down sometime.

-Stop me if you've heard this one before, but I think that this week may actually see the opening of the Alternative School where I will be working. My suggestion for a name: The Derrick Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Read Or Do Other Stuff Good. I haven't heard back on that one yet.

-The college gig is still awesome, and I actually get my first paycheck (hey now!) from Northern Marianas College on 3/25. It should be enough to by a flight home for the summer, so may know in short order exactly when I'l be touching down at MSP. Complicating the matter is the fact that no one knows when the first day of school will be next year. While budget constraints point to a post-Labor Day beginning like this year, many principals are pushing to move the date up to sometime in August. Apparently the school year in Saipan used to start in early August to accommodate longer Xmas and Spring Breaks (2-3 weeks apiece), and there is a movement to return to that schedule. I should know sometime in April, so again...I'll keep everyone posted.

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Month: I was putting gas in the Camry earlier this week and noticed an unusually large amount of people in a 4-door Corolla next to me. I tried counting, but it was immediately apparent that I wouldn't be able to account for everyone in the car. Moments after I chalked it up as one of those questions that are never answered, a door swung open. Seven. Seven people including an infant and a couple of toddlers were in the back seat. Add that to Dad, Mom, and another baby on Mom's lap and you get an even ten. In a Corolla. God Bless Saipan.

-Island Volleyball? Island Volleyball.

Until the next one...