I Can Go Anywhere And Still Be Nowhere

I realize this has become a running theme on this page, however I really do need to write more often, especially on this blog. Or maybe I can convince myself that a 2/3 month period in between posts is a healthy and productive break. Then again, breaks don't pay the bills. Onto the show...

I've written about the holiday season feeling, well, not so much like the holiday season when you're in Micronesia. Indeed, bonfires at the beach, barbecues, and a rollercoaster golf game are certainly preferable to clearing your windshield with the big part of the scraper you broke last year and haven't gotten around to replacing yet. Being able to hike to Forbidden Island (more pics on Facebook) and check our other-worldly fish is better than shoveling snow, yes. But there's a silent nod and "fineyouwinigiveup" smile seen on some faces while watching the kids sing "Rocking Around the Coconut Tree". Ex-pats from north of the Mason/Dixon know that while warm weather is amazing, the cold has some positives as well: The beauty in being the only car on the road after a snowfall, the white stuff insulating the road so the only sounds you hear are from inside your car. The insanity that is a last minute trip to the casino even though I-694 is all but shut down. The small self-congratulations you allow yourself after the car is finally in park because dammit, you made it. How good great that first beer/slice of pizza/handshake is when you arrive at your local watering hole, realizing how many things had to go right in order for you and your close folks to get there, and for a moment no one is worried about how in the hell they're going to get back up their driveway when they get home. Simply put, the grass is always greener on the other side. 

The flora, however, is most certainly greener in Saipan this time of year:

This pic was taken at sea level near the aforementioned Forbidden Island. It's only a 20-some minute hike, but the 500ft in elevation change is no joke. I have no idea how people climb, you know, actual mountains.

I do know a few things, however, about coaching basketball. I inherited a ridiculously talented girl's program, so it was only a matter of scheduling before we were going to be taking home some hardware...

...and cutting down the net. Good times! I can't remember the last time I've been a part of an actual championship team, so it felt pretty good. 

I had a two week break between seasons and tryouts for the boys' team started in the first week of December. Gawd, have I really been doing this for over 3 months already this school year? Don't get me wrong, I love coaching, but umpteen consecutive ten+ hour days with teenagers is a test for even the most patient of people. I used to think working a double in the restaurant business was rough (and trust me, I've worked plenty of those), but restaurants will usually look the other way while you sneak in a drink or a cigarette or a 10 minute break to "wash a stain out of your uniform" or wash dishes or something that has nothing to do with being pushed and pulled by hungry and thirsty people. Teaching and then coaching is another animal, and I'm not sure my employer would be happy if I snuck in a Jack Daniel's or two at lunch or in between halves of a basketball game. Endless questions, smelly locker rooms, and the always hilarious interplay of puberty and athletics. They tell me I'll miss it when it's over, so there's that. Our first boys' game is on January 11th and the season looks like it will go until the first week in March, so it won't last forever. 

Yard golf is a great time. Sand wedge in one hand, Mason jar in the other. 'This one starts in the shadow of this coconut tree and ends inside that horseshoe pit'...that kind of thing. Par is always 3 and 9 holes is usually enough before everyone packs it in. Emily is a natural: Check out the textbook "right shoulder down" stance.

The yard has been productive recently, with bananas, limes, starfruit, jackfruit, guava, and figs all at varying levels of ripeness. It would be an odd fruit salad but undoubtedly worth trying once. For everything else food-related I am still a fan of McDonald's (What's up McRib!), however the local market has been dominating recently:

Yes, they do indeed "Accept FoodStamp". They also stock Pizza Rolls, Johnsonville Brats, and an impressively spicy bag of Planter's peanuts ("5 Alarm Chili" for you legume lovers). Like many small markets on Saipan, Welcome Supermarket is owned by ridiculously nice and hard-working Chinese people. They remind you that you haven't purchased ice in awhile and then bring the ice to your car for you. They'll bag up your groceries in six seconds and let you run your card for an extra $10 because the only no-fee ATM is a solid 10 minutes away and you're golfing in 5. Sure, the curse of inconsistent inventory hasn't spared Welcome Supermarket, however I can at least count on Diet Coke being in stock here. Believe it or not, that's a huge selling point.

BONUS ROUND!!!!!!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Blog: The scooter has survived its' carburetor transplant and has not rejected the new part. I couldn't be more proud. Also, a former student of mine bragged to me about his 10,000 watt car stereo system that "made a girl pee her pants". If you're looking for 1996, come to Saipan and listen to "Compton" by Kendrick Lamar. You're a puffy yellow ski jacket and some Doc Marten's away from living the dream.

-I'm officially old. After a few buffet meals at various functions I feel the honest need to eat healthy for a while. 23 year-old Steve would be reveling in copious food offerings during the holiday seasons. 23 year-old Steve could put down 5,000 calories in a day and erase that mistake with a few sit-ups. 33 year-old Steve can't erase a big breakfast without a 2-hour basketball practice. Advice to you younger folks: Don't listen to people who tell you to take care of your body. Have as much fun as you can and do everything you can to destroy your body, because they day you actually have to start taking care of it is a huge bummer and shouldn't happen any earlier than necessary.

-Things will get interesting here in January when the new guard of legislators takes over. Chiefly among the issues they face is the question of whether or not the governor should be impeached. I've written many times on this blog about Saipan politics, but it seriously gets more ridiculous and hilarious by the day. I need to start archiving newspapers and web page screen shots for the day I start writing a book about this place. Check out www.mvariety.com after the calendar flips to 2013 and you'll see what I'm talking about.

-While I have no concrete plans for next fall, this summer Emily and I are planning a trip around SE Asia. Vietnam, Bali, and Cebu (P.I.) are on the list, and if anyone out there has suggestions I'd love to hear them.

Until the next one...

I'll Be That

3 months without a blog, including 3 weeks back in Saipan. All play and no work has been a blast, however it's time to get back on my teaching/coaching/advising/writing grind. New Saipan photos are at a dearth; in their stead I have some photos from my trip out east.  

Glad to have you back. Onto the show...

There's simply no way to take in this photo without chuckling a bit. Poor Liz didn't stand a chance. But then again, who knows? Perhaps her hubby's 4 acre lot was lush and had an ocean view. Maybe she was a shut-in who relished in a built-in excuse to not attend get-togethers and the Crossfit Muddy Warrior Dash 3-Day Paleo 5k Walk For The Cure. Then again, maybe after the first year she began to hate her surroundings. Perhaps a tree grew juuuuust large enough to ruin her waterfront view. It may seem like I'm rambling, but the first few weeks in Saipan have been a constant reminder of a story I once heard:

A old farmer had his horse run away one day. After the people in his village delivered this terrible news, he simply shrugged and said "We'll see".

The horse came back two days later with three other wild horses. "My Goodness! What great fortune you have!" exclaimed the villagers. "We'll see" was the man's response.

While trying to break the heartiest of the wild horses, the farmer's son fell off of the beast and broke his leg. "What horrible luck!" the villagers said. The man, his head held low, said "We'll see".

The next week the military came into town and drafted all able-bodied young men into their service. They passed over his son with the lame leg and the villagers congratulated the old farmer on how great everything worked out. "We'll see" is all he said in response.

Long story short: Things are never as bad (or good) as they seem in the moment, and I've had quite the rollercoaster since being back on the island.

When I arrived they hadn't shut off my power due to non-payment for 2 months: Awesome. 

When I saw the amount I owed the power company: Not awesome.

The scooter was still parked where I left it! Awesome!

The scooter doesn't like to start after it rains, and we're still in monsoon season: Brutal.

My supposedly 11th grade US History class is populated with freshman: Awful

Wait...9th graders still fear authority: AWESOME!

My second job as a college professor required me to buy a business license for $50: Terrible.

I'm now incorporated as Steve Jents, dba Prestige Worldwide: Worth more than $50.

You get the gist of it. Between the ups and downs has been a whole lot of good stuff, as the first weeks of high school have gone off without a hitch, the college gig remains fun, and coaching girls basketball has been a better time than I expected. The beach is still across the street and I still have fruit in the yard. It's not important to add up the small victories in life, however it is imperative that you know they are there and acknowledge them when they occur.

But, oh...Saipan. Oh my. Check out the Marianas Variety or Saipan Tribune online and see the damage for yourself. Doctors leaving the rock in droves to the point the hospital may actually close. The governor going through an impeachment. The school system all but begging on its knees for funding to reduce class sizes (I'm at 40-to-1 right now). An exponential increase in property crime coupled with the inability of local law enforcement. I wouldn't go as far as saying the island is in complete disarray, however we're in the neighborhood. But again...we'll see.

The warm and gorgeous small-town feel of Newburyport, MA reminds me quite a bit of Saipan. We couldn't walk for a bagel (trust me when I say there are bagels on the east coast and there are bagels everywhere else; they are not the same) in Emily's hometown without her spotting someone she used to babysit for or a parent of someone she went to school with. Such is life on the island, where our return was met with heart warming greetings from students and shopkeepers alike. You KNOW you've spent too much time in a place when the dude bagging your groceries reminds you that you need cigarettes. But then again, nothing compares to the sight of a half-dozen or so Carolinian kids jumping out of the back of a pickup truck and screaming your name and dancing with excitement once they've realized you've returned to their island. Guaranteed goosebumps.

There was a moment when I hadn't realized these boats were anchored to buoys. "My god, there are a TON of people out on their boats today". Emily did her best not to be condescending when she informed me that boats can float in the middle of the water without being used. Sweet Jesus I felt like a corn-shucker. May as well chew on this here grass until the milk truck comes to RR-1312...better'n white wawshin' the fence again. Honestly, I had no idea boats existed in anything in statuses other than being operated, sitting at a dock, or being towed around by F-150s. I felt a similar sense of dumbassery at a girls basketball practice last week. After watching a few girls set picks and screens with their arms folded straight across their upper torsos I blew the whistle:

Me: "Does anyone here know how to set a pick? Seriously, how long have you been playing basketball???"

Player: "Coach Jents, I think you might be thinking about..."

Me (interrupting): "YOU SET A PICK LIKE THIS" (places both hands over groin area, the way that boys are taught to set picks from an early age)

Players: "Coach Jents...um...girls set picks differently"

Me: "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A GIRL DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T PROTECT YOUR...oh. Ooooooh. Right. Carry on, ladies"

The again, my day could have been worse:

That's right. While everything you've heard about the east coast (and Boston) may not be true, there is some credibility to the "they don't take shit from anyone" stereotype. I'm not sure the Marge Gundersons of the world have the stones to place a sign like this outside their homes. Sure, we'll see crazy political signs and billboards, but nothing as personal as someone admonishing dog owners. Pissing off (no pun intended) dog owners in the midwest is akin to belonging to a Satanic cult, and at the very least Jill would have been expected to mitigate her feelings with some passivity. Something like "Please try to avoid the planted area of my yard. We work so hard to keep it looking nice for all of you!" seems right.

BONUS ROUND!!!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Week: Emily's idler arm in her 4Runner snapped on the way to school. I babied that thing for 7 miles without much steering to speak of other than when it decided to swerve into or away from oncoming traffic. We made it, and Super Mechanic Manny had it back on the road within hours for a fraction of what it would have costed in The States.

-2 quick food recommendations: Squeeze a couple of limes onto your potato salad before you serve it next time. Sure, mix it in a little, but leave some for the top. Good times. Also, Mandi Wraps. Mandi Asian Spa is located a half mile from the apartment, and cheap membership rates are conducive to teachers who need a bit of quiet time every now and again. The food menu is the most ridiculous I've seen, as all items are microwaved (think Hot Pockets and Pizza Rolls...no joke) and start at about $9. The easy solution is to bring in food, however what will still be edible after a few hours of sitting in a locker? I present the Mandi Wrap:

1 Burrito-sized tortilla
1/2 of a red pepper
1/2 of a carrot (or 3 baby carrots)
1/2 of a cucumber
Ranch Dressing (as much as you want...you're eating veggies and that has to count for something)
Shredded Cheese or janky Kraft-esque singles that you've cut into thin strips (optional)

Cut veggies. I would say "julienne" but that may take awhile for those less inclined to the culinary arts. Regardless, stuff those mofos into the wrap. Drizzle the ranch. Add cheese if that's your thing. Wrap it up and cover with aluminum foil. Tasty, healthier than a burger, and you at least have the appearance of  eating right.

Until the next one...

Doesn't Take Much And That's Messed Up

Ah, the palapala (Chamorro word for "pavillion") in my yard. It's my favorite room in the world, yet it lacks a door and actual walls. I try to spend as many nights there as possible, watching the sun wink as it disappears below the horizon and turns the sky and moisture-laden clouds any color you can imagine. Roy G. Biv lives here, folks. She might not look like much, kid, but she's got it where it counts. Indeed, one must contend with the Kingfisher droppings, gecko chirps, and the occasional mosquito, however it's the best thinking/reflecting/partying place I've found on earth. One doesn't reject a free doughnut because some of the sprinkles have fallen off, no? The sunset pics I share on this blog are taken from there, and if I could find a way to wire a fridge underneath the floor I'd never leave. A short walk from the palapala takes you to the jackfruit tree:

If you're looking for perspective, here it be. I can palm a basketball with my hands even on a bad day. Yep, Jackfruits are that big. Think of a spiny watermelon growing on a tree. Then picture 30 of them dangling off of a branch. These are like the bumblebees of tropical fruits; I'm not sure physics can explain how these things grow without hurtling toward the ground once they hit their adolescence. Truth be told they are a ton of trouble to cut. Dozens of buckeye-sized seeds have to be extracted from the core before you can begin to slice the remaining pulp, however once you have yourself 50-80 1" strips of Jackfruit you're good to go for a few days. Think Mango + Starfruit. If you have no idea what that would taste like you should get out of the U.S. for a few weeks.

Last week kept me busy in all senses. Sure, I had a day off due to a "power outage" at school, however Emily and I seized the opportunity to drive her 4 Runner to the top of Mount Tapachao. The view serves as a reminder that we live in a gorgeous place and we have little to complain about. Sure, you guys saw 60 degrees in MN this week, however this is what Tapachao looks like on a BAD day:

If you're looking at a map of Saipan right now, the upper left of this photo is the bottom leg of the dinosaur. the front leg was directly to our left. They could totally film an off-brand Lord of the Rings movie here. 

On Friday the MISO (Marianas Interscholastic Sports Organization) basketball tournament started. Previous to the tournament my team was forced to forfeit a game due to playing ineligible players in a conference game (trust me: not my fault) and as a result we lost our first round bye. No biggie, right? Compound that with losing our best scorer the day of the tournament to some BS retroactive decrease of his grade (no comment) and we were put in a tough position. After cruising through the first round we lost our second game of the double elimination tournament on Friday and were cast into the loser's bracket. Our first game on Saturday was at 9:30AM which meant an 8:30AM report time. A few Pop Tarts and the best motivational speech I've honestly ever given in my life (I wish it would have been videotaped) were given to the squad before the first game.

We won. 

After a 10-minute break we had to face the defending champs who were hungry to reclaim the trophy, sportsmanship be damned. 

We won again.  

After a gracious 20 minute rest we faced our main rivals who have had our number for most of the season. After the two previous games my team was tired. They had little left in the tank. They probably wanted the day to be over so they could get back to Facebook or their friends or lunch or whatever else they have going on in their lives. 

But then halftime happened. 

Another speech. Another "oh my god these boys would kill someone if I asked them to right now" moment before we took the floor for the second half. 

We won again. 

Students and random MHS fans rushed the floor, the gym was insanely loud, and I felt an adrenaline rush unlike any other in my life. This is why you coach.

3 straight games, 3 wins. Sure, we got smoked in the championship by a team from another island with dubious (at best) academic credentials, but that's beside the point. Marianas High School has the best team on Saipan, and that means something. Sometimes being "The People's Champion" means more than cutting down the nets and posing with the hardware. 

You think we didn't do the pose?:

Look for the white guy in the top-middle.

Amongst all the worrying about next year's teaching job I've forgotten how great this place can be. After coaching for 8 hours on Saturday I was greeted by a card, a new hat, a cake, and a bottle of Jack upon my return home. Honestly, I could go to 1000 islands and not meet people like those I have met here (back to the palapala!):

Andy, Emily, Lauren, and myself took in the cloudless sunset as I undoubtedly drove them crazy by regaling them with tales of the basketball playoffs. They didn't seem to mind which made me appreciate them even more. True friends (NSP AND SIREN CREW STAND UP!) don't come around every day, so when you find them in a remote corner of the globe it makes the victories that much sweeter and the defeats that much easier to live with.

Bonus Round!

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Blog: There was an accident-with-injuries at a busy intersection and the aftermath was captured in a photo on the front page of the Saipan Tribune. I couldn't help but imagine the driver of the overturned Izuzu Trooper bringing a copy of the paper into work the next day showing his boss why he was late for work that day. Seriously, can you imagine one of the scariest moments in your life being kept for posterity?

-The job search continues. I have no idea where Emily and I will be bringing our talents next year. The clubhouse lead goes to Saipan, however I've been seeing quite an uptick in postings recently. I feel as though I've said this before, but I'll know more in a month or so.

-I've opted to coach golf this spring. While it may not be as intense as fast-pitch softball, I know quite a bit more around the links than I do about pitching underhanded. A couple of days per week walking around world-class courses beats the dusty diamond every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

-Holy smokes I miss good internet, good mexican/italian food, and good brew. A 4G network, Tacos Al Pastor, and Furious will cure my ails. I should be home in 3 months or so and I intend on taking advantage of all.

-The cycle of life continues from afar. Rest in Peace, V. Jensen. Welcome to the world, Dolla' Bill Thomas Jents. It destroys me to be 7000 miles away during events like these. I guess it's part of the deal you make with yourself when you move halfway across the world.

-Today one of my Filipino students described a card game known as "Russian Poker" to me. Rest assured I'll try to bring this back to The States with me as it sounds like a blast. What if I told you there was a version of Pai-Gow that encouraged more betting? Would you be interested?

-Another Crayola-Box shot from the palapala:

Until the next one...

The Verbal Herman Munster

I feel like I'm letting down the readers of this blog while simultaneously fulfilling the very reasons they peruse these pages. The last month+ has been incredibly hectic. No, not just hectic vis a vis the island lifestyle; although I get to occasionally take in a sunset like the one above (that's right, son!), my days have been the busiest since I was student teaching by day and bartending by night. Enough of the self pity and onto the show...

The last 4 weeks have been a mash-up of finals, 120 new students at the high school, a new semester teaching at the college, a large-scale cultural exchange including the group I advise, looking for a gig during the 2012-2013 school year, and the peak of the high school basketball season. Some days are filled with grading. Others with lesson planning. Other still with figuring out how to beat a 3-2 zone defense, or applying to schools in Europe, or dealing with several last-second crises regarding the Refaluwasch Cultural Club. While we're on the subject:

*The students in this photo have consented to having this photo shown on this blog*

This is the calm before the storm. Once again, the RCC kids KILLED it with their dancing at a student assembly, and again at a "thank you" party for a school in Japan that left the island yesterday. All of those head-dresses and capes are woven from coconut leaves, and it takes these kids about 30 minutes to go from street clothes to full garb. The reception that they get from fellow locals and administrators and big-wigs and exchange students is amazing. I have been made an honorary Refaluwasch, which isn't a difficult adjustment. Surely you can see the resemblance between Chief Aghurubw (Ahg-or-oh-boo) and myself:

Who knew the Chief was a Bama fan?

The basketball season has less than 3 weeks left (we're 4-1, baby!), as we have one game this week against a private school (see: 2012 Charlotte Bobcats) and one game each against our rival public schools next week until the playoffs. I'm not certain whether or not I will coach any sport this spring, however if I do it will absolutely be golf. I mean...being on an oceanside golf course for a few hours per week isn't exactly a burden. A quick guide to those of you who are wondering what coaching is like:

-Coaching golf: Spitting through your teeth. You either know how to do it or you don't. It's that simple.

-Coaching baseball: Being a traffic cop at a seldom-used intersection. You let some things slide, and you're extremely hard on other transgressions.

-Coaching basketball: Making a pork roast. Fantastic if done correctly, however once you mess things up, there's no coming back. Hopefully I'm at about 140 degrees and have some time on my side.

While Saipan is awesome I feel as though teaching and living in another part of the world couldn't possibly be a bad thing. I've learned so much about the ways that different people live their life and the world as a whole in the last 20 months that I'd like to find another place with new lessons/food/people/culture for the next school year. I guess it's one of those "we'll see" situations where things have a way of working themselves out. A peek behind the curtain would reveal my job searches/applications in Europe and the Caribbean, however I'm not ruling anything out for next year. Suffice it to say, I may be pulling a Lebron and announcing "The Decision" on this blog or Facebook within the coming months.

I've been alternately enjoying and missing the most recent iteration of the Minnesota Timberwolves. While box scores and post-game recaps aren't the worst way to go through life, I truly miss out on the experience. NHL heads who have nothing other than the ghost of Andrew Brunette's goal (seriously, that was like nine years ago) please jump on the bandwagon now.

BONUS ROUND!!!!

-Ipads are the ONLY tablets. The others are emperors waiting to be called out for lack of clothing.

-New food recipe: Saipan Bruschetta:

1 Baguette
4 Cloves Garlic
6 Tomatoes
1 large handful of basil from your yard (maybe 1 cup?)
3 "glugs" of olive oil
4 shakes salt
Another 4 shakes of salt
6 shakes of pepper
1/3 of one of those mozzarella balls cubed (1/4" cubes)

Slice the baguette into 1" round pieces. Butter those mofos and bake them for 10 minutes at 350.

Mince the garlic and basil. I said MINCE. Smaller than that. Yeah, smaller. It's not really your fault, you need a better knife.

Combine the basil/garlic combo with the olive oil in a bowl. Add the cheese and mix. Then add the tomatoes, salt, and pepper. Not enough salt? Add more. Not enough pepper? Figure it out.

Serves 6 as an appetizer or 2 as a "meal".

-Saipan Car-Related Moment of the Month: The moped was leaking gas (I believe 1/4 of the island knew and/or told me about it) and I decided to bring that fact to the attention of the folks who owned the place that is renting it to me. Honest-to-god: No questions asked, no big deal, just a replacement scooter and a new key. $150 per month for guaranteed transportation from my doorstep to anywhere on the island is starting to look cheap.

-I am already realizing the effect that leaving Saipan will have on me. People at home are humble-bragging about the 40 degree temps in February, yet I haven't seen a day under 70 (high or low temp) in TWO YEARS. Hey Minnesota folks: Remember how last winter was awful and this winter seems great? Imagine it being better than this year. Much better. Like...imagine taking a photo like this on February 19th as I did:

MN: "Well, we've only had about 6 inches of snow this winter".
ME: I've had zero, son.

MN: "It's been in the 30's and 40's for most of the winter here"
ME: It's been in the mid-70's to mid-80's this winter-spring-summer-fall-decade-millenium here, son.

Again, it's difficult to ascertain the benefits of living in a warm climate for long periods of time until you've done it. Once you have lived the shorts/sandals life it's difficult to come back. I'm not some beer snob talking trash about Grain Belt because I love the Triple Bock Belgian Rye Wheat Barley Malted Molasses Pilsner. I'm talking about the honest-to-god happiness that comes from waking up in a place where it never, ever gets cold. One more time for those of you scoring at home:

During the winter (regardless of your "love of the seasons"), almost every other living thing gets the hell out of there. Birds fly south. River fish swim south. Landlocked mammals hibernate or chew their way into your walls and insulation to stay alive for a few months. Bugs (who will inevitably inherit the Earth) f*cking DIE. Yet humans, for some strange reason, think that living through below-zero temps and walking across icy sidewalks and shoveling driveways and brushing off windshields and repeatedly applying Carmex makes them "hearty" or "tough". I'm not saying it's the wrong way to go through life, I'm simply suggesting that there are other ways.

-I realize I am missing a ton of birthdays and anniversaries and the like. Please let me make them up to all of you in a few months when I am back in the US.

Until the next one...

Used To Rock A Throwback, Ballin On The Corner

Long on words, short on photos. C'est la vie.

Having someone visit you from far away reminds you that you live in a great place. Undoubtedly some of you are nodding your heads as you are reminded of an uncle or niece or old friend stopping by the Twin Cities for a few days and running them through the Cosetta's/Ted Cook's/Aquatennial/Mall of America gauntlet. There could be someone in New Mexico reading this and reminiscing about the time they took their former boss to a What-A-Burger and had a good time. People that live in Vegas seldom  venture The Strip unless they have visitors. Indeed, the grass is very green under your feet when confronted with an outsider, however in Saipan it's more concentrated. I know I've stated this before, but everything worth doing here is within a 15-20 minute drive from where I live, and I'm in the boondocks. I recently had a visitor (What up Slade?) over Xmas break and rediscovered how unique and beautiful Saipan is: Managaha. Tapachao. Pau Pau beach. Lumpia Shanghai at various bars and restaurants. Cheap off-brand snacks. That would be enough for some, however shit gets deeper. It's easy to pine for the days of convenience and relative luxury, but when an outside pair of eyes sees your life and recognizes the beauty of simplicity it serves to both validate the decisions one has made as well as question one's worldview. Don't get me wrong, televised sports/news/blah blah blah are sorely missed (I follow big games online, but the internet here is stuck in "Dial-Up-Sounds-Before-Logging-Into-Prodigy" speeds), but on the other hand it forces me to find another way to be productive. Some days that involves a hike. Some days it's tennis. Other days it involves rain, Soju, podcasts from home, and reading everything I can on the Strib until I hit my article-view limit for the month. Recently my newfound productivity has led me down 2 different (although not mutually exclusive) paths:

A) I'm learning more about coaching basketball every day. You see, as the head coach of the MHS (the largest school in Saipan) Boys Varsity Basketball (the most prestigious sport in Saipan) team, I need to make sure I'm on the ball. At least an hour of every day is spent poring over zone defense schemes and offensive principles which are designed to beat the aforementioned schemes. When there is no MTV/ESPN/FSN, it's easy to spend 90 minutes drawing X's and O's on paper and dreaming up the perfect inbounds play.

B) The Great 2012-2013 School Year Job Hunt. While I love it here, there are opportunities for me to experience a different lifestyle in yet another locale far away from my comfort zone. The Great Recession (aka the Great Drain of Funds from Public Education...sorry for the bias) has all but eliminated my interest in returning The States for the next school year. My apologies, but filet mignon (a full-time teaching high school Social Studies job + the option of teaching at the college level) in any other part of the world is better than table scraps (a .75 middle school Geography gig) in some random Twin Cities suburb. The sad reality of being a teacher is that the farther I am from home, the more likely I am to find the job I want. The straw man counter-argument: Most people don't like their jobs, so why not just find something close to home? My response: I cut my income by much more than half to become a teacher, and to me that's sacrificing enough. Why should I take a job I don't want in a place I don't want to work? For those of you that aren't in the loop: Public Schools in MN are hemorrhaging money and most are dealing with hiring freezes, thus the only jobs available will likely be undesirable. Hypothetically, I could likely find a part time teaching job with no benefits somewhere within the 7 county Metro Area. I'd probably be teaching a subject and grade level I don't prefer, and the majority of my time will be spent teaching my students how to score well on a standardized test. I could just as easily find a full time job teaching something I enjoy in a location that I would have previously never considered (Europe? South America?). After the Saipan experience it's clear to me that the latter option is the way to go.

Okay, off of the soapbox. Whew.

-Saipan-Car-Related-Moment of the Month: I was at a standstill on my moped when a grey 4-Runner (a common vehicle here) passed me slowly and then backed up so that the drivers-side window was even with my vantage point. The window slowly rolled down and I was greeted by none other than Manny, the mechanic who services 90% of the vehicles on Saipan which are owned by Americans.

Manny: "Already* Emily's truck needs service. I tried calling her. Emily's truck, service already*"

Me: "Right on, I'll have her call you."

*Already serves as a catch-all word in Saipan. Not sure what to do in a social situation? Say "Already" and laugh. Can't understand what someone else has said to you? "Already!" Do you have a full glass at a bar and would not like another one (or conversely, an empty glass and you'd like it to be filled)? Point at your drinking vessel and say "already". God bless Saipan*

He drove off to who knows where, but within hours he had visited Emily's classroom to pick up the keys to her 4-Runner, fixed a steering issue, and returned the keys to her (again, at her classroom...it was a school day, after all) before contacting Lauren about fixing the brakes on her 4-Runner (I TOLD you it was a common vehicle out here). He also spoke with Andy during lunch break about fixing the suspension issues which plague his Mazda. Honestly, the fact that a mechanic comes to your work, grabs your car, brings it to the shop, repairs it, and brings it back to you for roughly $10 an hour is not lost on me. Kline Nissan: The Bar has been raised.

-The Mango trees in my back yard are still not producing, and the fact I can purchase said fruit at any respectable market on the cheap is beginning to make me feel as though a chainsaw is the proper diagnosis. Sure, I'd be cutting a tree down, but think of the view I'd have!

-Tiger (the orange cat) has some stiff competition from a grey cat who has started to stake a territorial claim around my yard. It's fun to see them deal with the situation. I would have never assumed cats would be subservient to one another when it comes to marking territory, however Tiger's recent actions have led me to believe that neither one of these felines could hack it here without the support (see: free food) of humans. Tiger is mostly content with laying on the rug in my entry way and making casual passes at whatever's in my trash can, but when the grey cat is around he seems very needy. If cats were as dumb as birds I could toss them both in a cage and watch them fight it out, although the likely outcome would be two half-domesticated tabbies laying down for hours at a time interspersed with screaming at whomever may be around for more processed food. I am officially beyond the capacity of being able to bitch about welfare for human beings, and I've extended many a meal to critters who share nothing with me other than a liking for hot dogs.

-Teaching is getting better/easier by the day. I am finally starting to see the benefits of being hard on my students early in the semester and easing up on them as time elapses. No, I don't run a "Basic Training"-style classroom, however it's easier to keep kids from throwing trash on your floor if you set expectations on the first day. With all of that said, I fully expect to sweep up 3 candy wrappers and an empty, deflated Hi-C box off of the floor of D-202 tomorrow. I remember calling into my parents' bedroom a long time ago and declaring to them that I wanted to be a teacher. Granted, my life took a few twists and turns before that goal was actualized, but I can't be happier about following through on that epiphany. If any of you out there are thinking about academia as a profession: Do it. If you suck at it you can always go back to the cubicle/office/work site/jail cell.

-Another haircut at Gene's Barbershop, another miscalculation. They should rename it "The Scorpion and the Frog Barbershop" (What up Parable fans?!?)

-It's odd, but I can't imagine meals without rice at this point. Steamed, fluffy white rice. Fried Rice with Spam. Fried Rice with veggies. Fried Rice on top of Fried Rice. Ham Fried Rice. I feel like an Asian Bubba Gump. Honestly, though, when rice is prepared for you and readily available it is a much more attractive starch than bread or potatoes. Don't get me wrong, the shamrock tattoo on my right shoulder isn't just for show; I love spuds. Rice, on the other hand, comes without guilt. Eat as much rice as you can right now. You won't get full, and if you do, you'll be fine in 30 minutes. You won't gain weight. You won't feel weighed down. It goes with everything, and it's no big deal to ask for a fork when everyone else is somehow piling it into their mouths with chopsticks. I know, I know: Making rice without a proper small appliance isn't anyone's idea of a good time, however if everyone incorporated it as their starch for 1/2 of their meals, we'd likely save on future health care budgets and trips to GNC for weight-loss supplements.

-Emily kicked ass and took names in Thailand. Find her on Facebook to see pics.

BONUS ROUND!!!!!

-When I get paid for coaching baseball (which, I know, ended a couple of months ago) I'll likely be getting another tattoo. I welcome your suggestions in the comment box for this post.

-If you brought your own pineapple slices to McDonald's and tossed one on a Big Mac, you'd be experiencing a mass-produced North Side Burger. While it may be tough to recognize the value of adding a fruit to a burger, trust me: Guaranteed results. When you make them for yourself two weeks later (remember: thin patties, toasted buns, thousand island dressing, and pineapple), you'll wonder how you made it this long without them.

-I'm halfway done with this school year, and barring any ridiculous schedule adjustments I should be in The States from mid-late June to mid-late August once again. I only mention this because there were a few friends and family members I didn't get a chance to see last summer, and I'd like to rectify that. I'm not Mr. Big Shot or anything, but it would be wise for us to schedule something before I get back to MN.

-Quick Recommendations:

i) The Ipad 2 might be perfect. Get one, unless you're waiting for the Ipad 3.

ii) When looking at camping chairs/sandals/flatware, spend the extra $10 and buy the best combo of aesthetics/durability you can find. It's worth it.

iii) Buy a floating raft and get to the closest non-frozen body of water ASAP.

iv) Planters Creme Brulee Almonds are the much older and more mature version of their Sweet & Crunchy brethren. Fantastic stuff. Give yourself a maximum of 5 minutes after opening the can before you close it, unless you have a great dental plan.

v) Monitors>Anoles>Geckos in terms of coordination and relative ability to stay alive. I've found dead geckos sitting on top of my fridge in their attack pose. I'm guessing they died waiting for food to come to them. That's just laziness.

-The sunsets don't get old in Saipan. I'm off to see another one. Hopefully I'll have more pictures and less preaching to do when I write again.

Until the next one...