It's Tough To Walk Straight With A Horseshoe Up Your @$$

I apologize in advance for the lack of photos on this post. I took some underwater pics at Pau Pau Beach (the one across the street from me), however I may need to find a better setting on the camera because they didn't turn out too well. Sure, you can see stuff, but if I'm going to be leaving a permanent mark on the minds of all ya'll (up to 12 followers now!), I want to make sure what you see is as accurate as possible. With that out of the way...

I went to a "Teacher Tea" this morning at Aqua Resort, which is located about 3 minutes from my crib in the AM (As Matuis...say it with me: AHS MAH-TOO-EEE, or as the locals say, AH-MA-TOO). Introductions, lunch, meeting with co-teachers/principals, etc. After the presentations I, along with the other THREE Alternative Ed teachers (that's right, there's four of us) met with Principal Craig Garrison and Dr. Rita Sablan, the superintendent of CNMI Public Schools. This is when I found out that my role for the first semester is to be a part of a think tank with the other teachers to develop the Alternative Education Program. That's right, I won't even be teaching until next semester. While I am a little bummed about not teaching right away, the prospect of being a paid consultant to a school district in paradise is kinda awesome. I won't need to bring any work home. No lesson planning. No curriculum development. As the principal said to me directly, "You're going to have a lot of beach time".

Giddy up.

Some quick things for now:

-There is an absence of a "local food" feeling here. There are no Chamorro (the native population) restaurants to be found, and most of what does exist is either pastries or pork products. There is an aisle of canned meat (Spam, etc) in every grocery store, and there is a ton of seafood around for cheap, so my best guess is the locals don't dine out much. There is a preponderance of Japanese, Korean, and Chinese restaurants here, so if you dig Asian food this is your place.

-If you're reading this blog, yes, you can crash here. I leased a 2BR for a reason, so please feel free. Flights are anywhere between $1200 and $2000 depending on the day/time of year, so if you can make it out you're more than welcome.

-I am a new owner of a 1992 Toyota Camry. It's white and I'd be shocked if it makes it through the school year. I bought it from a guy who was leaving the island, which seems like the only legit way to purchase things out here at a reasonable price.

-I've been to Pau Pau beach three times and have had the following experiences: I came within spitting distance of a 2' long Black Tip Reef Shark, I've bartered Parliament Lights for Budweiser's with locals, I've seen a SCHOOL of tiny minnow-like silver fish jump out of the water in front of me before sailing over my head and landing directly behind me, and I've stepped on sea cucumbers of consistencies ranging from "sausage" to "petrified rocks".

That's all for now. I'll hopefully have pics of Pau Pau, the Camry, and much, much more sometime very soon. Take it easy in MN and enjoy the weather while you can, suckers!

Is this not a reasonable place to park?

The first weekend in Saipan is moments away for me, as I'm taking the 10 minute drive down to Garapan to hang out with three other teachers for the night. I met Emily yesterday, and I had the pleasure of meeting Laura and Andy (MN Boy...re-pre-SEEEEENT) today. Andy is getting an apartment in the same complex as myself so at the very least I'll be living near another teacher. We drove around the island for awhile, stopping to see a decommissioned satellite station/observatory that has gathered some dust (and graffiti, and trash, and...) since it's Cold War heydays. There are relics like that everywhere out here: huge plane props underwater, a beach that has a tank sunken halfway into it, etc. It's kinda cool and very humbling to live in a place where battles were fought. There's a good chance the area in which I live was occupied, as I can see man-made caves on the side of the mountain about 1000 feet from me and I'm about a mile from Bansai Cliff and Japan's Last Command Post.

Anyhow, the geckos have struck back, as today I found one chilling near my bed. This dude was even smaller than the one last night; I thought I was dealing with a rogue cricket until I saw his tail. He was extremely light-colored...almost translucent. I kindly escorted him from the premises and gave him a warning. The wildlife here is comprised of only a few things: lizards, marine life, tropical birds (Kingfishers are kinda cool, Pelicans are huge, and no parrots yet), "public dogs" that run amok over the entire island, and random pets such as this:

Say hello to Elvis, the neighbor's bull. Elvis looks like he's seen better days but hey, he gets to look at the ocean and eat grass all day so it can't be that bad. I've seen a couple of goats, a few cows, and some rascal chickens/roosters that travel in a pack and harass As Matuis (or, as it's spray-painted on a nearby bus bench, the "Norf Side". Glad to know I'm reppin' the northern region of my locale, 7000-some miles from the NSP and North Hill.

It rained a few times again today. It's a very different pattern than I was accustomed to in MN, as in the The States you have three types of rain: drizzle, showers, and "you'd better get the dog inside". There's something similar to that here, however the majority of it falls in between showers and sheets, and it's a very strange feeling to be rained on by water that is the exact same temperature as the air. The drops are huge, but they're not the "is this hail or rain?"-type that falls on your car in Minnesota. It's difficult to explain, but the easiest way for me to put it is that pouring rain isn't altogether unpleasant out here.

I'm currently preparing a meal for the second time out here. Meal #1: Grilled Cheese with New Zealand Cheddar (on par with Kraft, half the price) and Pullman bread which is available at any self-respecting market. They even sell it in half-loafs for single folk like myself for $1.50. There seem to be three main bakeries on the island and they place their goods right next to their competitors, so the Pullman bread you just grabbed may have come from Hafa Adai bakery, Chow Queen, or Ken's. I ventured a bit into local fare and grabbed a bag of Pineapple Rolls. Sweet F*cking Jesus, these things are $1 here and would go for $8.99 at Kowalski's. Think rolls about 3/4 size of a hot dog bun with fresh pineapple baked into them. Six for a buck. Whew, I can see why this place has the greatest per-capita rate of diabetes in the world.

That's another thing..."fresh". People have been telling me for weeks and weeks that the food here (especially the fish...haven't tried any yet) would be "fresh", and "fresh" = "better". Couldn't have been more right. Ever have a mango or a banana straight from a tree before? Indescribable. It's like what you think those fruits should taste like, only they almost never do. I'm getting ready to dive into this bad boy sometime soon:

The jackfruit, when ripe, is reddish and roughly the size of a football. Apparently you cut into the mofo and there are several black seeds surrounded by yellow pulp. The pulp would be the "fruit" part of the equation, and the seeds can apparently be boiled, salted, and eaten like those of a pumpkin.

A few quick things, then I am off to Garapan:

-The water is undrinkable here. Not like "it tastes bad", but like "it's not potable". Thus, 5 gallon jugs of drinking water are necessary and readily available for around $1.50. It may take some getting used to, but everything else out here does so it's really just one more shrimp on the barbee.

-Tinian Hot Peppers are not be messed with. Tinian is a small island which, like Saipan, is part of the CNMI. It's also where the Enola Gay was launched, carrying the atomic bombs which would change the course of history with two pulls of a lever aboard a B-29. Regardless, the peppers are Tinian's (Te-Nee-An) second most prominent claim to fame, and anyone who touts the heat from an habanero or "ghost pepper" hasn't been to this part of the world. I chopped one up and threw it in a pot containing some steak stir fry I just ate. Instant fear. Like, "sit down for five minutes and re-evaluate shit, then maybe drink some water"-type of fear. I've had an habanero before, but I haven't been to this circus. The whole nine yards: sinuses on fire, tears, and my esophagus taking a .45 to it's temple and cocking the hammer. It felt like Gas Chamber Day in boot camp, only no one was yelling at people and I'm in much more comfortable clothes. I can't wait to try another one.

-You can't drive two blocks in Saipan without seeing at least one video poker lounge (Saipan's national pastime, apparently), a strangely-named market (my favorite: Triple J Super Fresh!), a random public dog, a campaign lawn sign, and an abandoned building. The Asia Economic crash must have killed Saipan as there are hotels and buildings no more than 20 years old that have been completely overtaken by the jungle. Between that and the scattershot offerings of local markets and store, one thing popped into my head today: If a Walmart opened in Garapan with U.S. prices it would bring the entire island to it's knees. Let's hope that doesn't happen anytime soon...I don't mind paying $13 for Diet Coke if it means I'm literally supporting the family I'm buying it from.

Until next time,

-Steve

It Ain't Where You From Kid, It's Where You At

New place? New place. I'm officially a resident of the village of As Matuis. Or the village of San Roque. I guess it depends on who you ask. Regardless, it's the place I had been looking at online (some of you saw it), and it's the real deal. $500 per month gets me a 2BR, 2BA place that's fully furnished. Not shabby at all. Here's a quick tour:

This is the view from the balcony just outside my bedroom. It doesn't suck.

I'll have some more pics tomorrow. My internet here is hit-or-miss, so once I get to a decent wifi spot I'll upload the rest. Here's a preview: Mangos, Jackfruit, a large living room, and a cow (he lives next door...I've decided to name him "Elvis").

I've found that the island lifestyle is quite different from the one I had in The States. There's really no sense of urgency about anything whatsoever, so your only options are to roll with the punches or allow your head to explode. I'm going with door #1 for now...let's see how long it lasts. Case in point: I got my PO Box on Tuesday, however they only had one key and could not let me take it before a copy was made. I was told that said key would be available to me the following day. I was told the exact same thing when I went in on Wednesday. Earlier today (Thursday, although it's technically Friday right now) I went to Quick Print and was once again told that the key was not mine to have. But wait, "give us a second and we'll take care of it". As I waited I glanced at the Lost and Found section. A few sets of keys and a postcard that appeared to be extremely personal and sincere occupied the space of a 2 foot x 2 foot glass case. Then I heard it. A f*cking key cutting machine. 30 seconds later I was given my key, as they'd obviously just made the duplicate. I have no idea why this hadn't occurred to them on Tuesday, but as I said, you just have to laugh it off.

This evening I accompanied another teacher (Emily) to the Garapan Street Market. My oh my...a full skewer of Korean BBQ Beef: $1. Don't mind if I do. There's a mini-stage where local kids perform dance routines, and it did not disappoint. Would you enjoy watching 10 minutes of hula dancing followed by 10 minutes of junior high kids popping and locking to unedited L'il Jon songs? I thought so. We left the dance area and walked around the market before settling on two open stools at Johnny's, which has an outdoor bar. I enjoyed a couple of Rolling Rocks (seriously, it says "Rolling Rocks" on the menu...not sure where the pluralization of the beer's name came from) while Emily had two mojitos. I dropped the young lady off and made it back to my new place where I was greeted by a tiny gecko on my door. Seriously, the thing wasn't three inches long. I made an agreement with the gecko that I would allow him to stay on the door as long as he cared to, however inside my apartment was off limits.

In all seriousness, everyone I've met and talked to out here is fabulous. Sure, I've been the recipient of more than one "Who the F does this white boy think he is?" glance, but by and large the people here are awesome. I'm hopefully going to be the new owner of a 1992 Camry as of this weekend (it's a hoopty), and when that has been taken care of I'm officially "done" with moving.

I dropped by Marianas High School today to check out my classroom, only I couldn't as it is in the process of being renovated. I found out a bit more regarding the Alternative Education Program which I will be teaching, and it couldn't be more positive and negative at the same time. To wit:

-I'm going to be in a building separate from the rest of the high school. I mean FENCED THE F OFF from everything else. Apparently my students are either being bussed in from jail or are certainly well on their way to being a criminal. Then again, I kinda like those kids...reminds me of people I grew up with.

-The program is "self-contained", which means ALL SUBJECTS will be taught in my classroom.

Just when I thought I was going to look into stiletto wands and stun guns they told me that:

-I'll have a teacher partnering with me ("Team Teaching" as it's known in the biz); and

-Their class size last year in this program: 3. Three students. Three kids, two teachers. I might have as many as five students this year. Ho ho ho.

I'm really hoping my team teacher wants to take over math and science.

That's all for now. As I mentioned before, I'll post more pics once I get the chance. Now please, can some of you start commenting on these posts so I know people are reading them?

-Steve

Sprinting Just to Stand Still

Whew...a busy, busy, busy day. After a quick breakfast at the Hotel cafe I headed to the school district's central office where I was met with warm smiles and handshakes. Everyone is extremely nice here, it's like Minnesota without the endemic passive-aggressiveness. After meeting most of the employees I was handed a checklist for my CNMI (Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands) teaching application. Items I needed to take care of: Fingerprints, Health Exam, $35 application fee, Direct Deposit form. Hmmm...there aren't any Wells Fargo's in Saipan, so I needed to decide between the banks of Saipan, Hawaii, and Guam. After consulting with a few locals I settled on the Bank of Guam, if only because it's the only multi-story bank on the island and that lends itself a bit of credibility. Anyhow, I was off on the scavenger hunt.

I went to a Quick Print store for a PO Box. Apparently this is the USPS location in Garapan (the main city on Saipan), and I wasn't in a position to argue. The process took longer than I expected, but then again, it seems like nearly everyone on the island is completely unfamiliar with the day-to-day functions of their job. I'm not saying it's a bad thing...I mean, it would do a majority of people some good to care a bit less about their jobs and a bit more about the rest of life, but that sentiment doesn't make for quick errands. After getting my PO Box (#47...Joey Browner, baby!) I headed to a health clinic for my exam. The exam consisted of a TB test and the nurse and doctor alternating between taking my pulse, blood pressure, and writing things on a clipboard. I was in and out within a half hour, so I can't complain.

From there it was off to the courthouse and DMV for fingerprinting and a CNMI Driver's License. I joked around with a couple of cops during the fingerprinting process; "This isn't the first time I've done this", "If I give you $50 cash right now, does that get me a 'get-out-of-jail' card?", "this would be soooo much easier if I wasn't drunk right now", etc. The drivers license is hilarious...a laminated piece of card stock with a Polaroid head shot on it. I was going to do the Zoolander face but opted for the Ol' Dirty Bastard album cover face...sadly I was in between the two when my photo was taken. The girl at the counter appeared to be 18 years old, as did the majority of the employees in the building. We chatted for a bit about her t-shirt, as it featured the name of a local MMA champion fighter that I had met on my flight in from Guam (Keli Manglona...cool dude) who has a fight in Saipan this upcoming Saturday. Not sure if I'll attend yet. Anyhow, I was remarking on how easy it would be to manufacture a fake CNMI license when I noticed my last name was spelled JENST.

Me: "Uh, I think I need a new license. My last name isn't spelled correctly on this one."

DMV Girl: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Let me check. Yep, it's wrong"

DMV Girl: "Ok, can you fill out a change form?"

Me: "Sure"

DMV Girl: "You know what...forget it, let's just get you another one"

Me: "Whatever works"

I walk back into the office and another photo is taken. They give me the new card and I'm on my way out the door when I hear:

DMV Girl #2: "Sir? Can you come back here for a second?"

Me: "No problem. What's up"

DMV Girl #2: "Can you fill out a change form?"

Me: "Oh, I already have the new card, so we're good"

DMV Girl #2: "Yes, but can you still fill out the form?"

Me: "So, you'll need me to fill out a form for a card I already have?"

DMV Girl #2: "Yes, for our records"

Me: "But it will be the exact same as the first form. Can you just check the 'change' box at the top of that one?"

DMV Girls #1 and #2: "Ohhhhh...good idea!"

God Bless the Saipan DMV.

After that I went to the Bank of Guam to open an account and to IT&E to get the Droid hooked up on their network. I'm officially up and running at this point, so some of you will be getting calls at random hours of the day. Tomorrow I'm off to look at apartments and hopefully find a car. Sorry no pics today, it was raining pretty hard and I didn't have much of a chance to jump out of the car and get the Panasonic into the action. It's 8:00pm out here and I'm seriously thinking about bed. I think the "body clock" adjustment might take a little while.

Until next time...

-Steve

Grocery Store #2

"Excuse me, do you have Chips Ahoy?"

"Yes, they're in aisle three next to the asparagus biscuits"

Saipan...shit.

I know, the title of this post is a bastardized quote from Apocalypse Now, but I've been waiting for like three weeks to use it. The photo above is the view I have from my balcony facing west. Overcast/Rainy seems to be par for the course during this season in Saipan; I apologize for the lack of postcard-quality tropical photos on my first day.

Regardless, there's a million things I could write about right now, but it's 6:30pm and I'm going to head down to the hotel restaurant for dinner. Here is something I do know: Prices here are very strange. Some things are ridiculously overpriced, others are cheaper than I could have believed. To wit:

-Gallon of gas: $3.87...no biggie

-Pack of Parliament Lights at ABC Store (thus I'm guessing this price is on the high end): $5.25

-Glass of Johnny Walker Blue: $10....this is roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of what you would pay in the US.

-12 pack of Miller Light: $13

-24 pack of Diet Coke: $12 (!)

Everything at Costco (New name: Joeten Superstore...they still have Costco carts, though) is like this. If it's from the US, it costs 1.5 to 2 times more than it would in Minnesota. If it's from Saipan or Asia, it's ridiculously cheap. I kept this in mind as I went to the not-so-aptly-named 99 cent Grocery Store a few blocks away from my hotel. How did I get there, you ask?

I don't always rent Toyotas, but when I do...I prefer the Yaris. It's $60/day and I didn't ask any questions. Maybe I could have gotten a cheaper one somewhere else, but it's moot at this point. Anyhow, my trip to the grocery store was an eye-opener. A quick rule of thumb: If the packaging is in English, it's at least as expensive as in the U.S. If it's in another language, giddy up. My total purchases:

Peanut Butter Twix: 89 cents

Two of-brand bottles of water (most tap water on the island isn't drinkable), A 4oz bag of Chippy's Chili Cheese Corn Chips (f/ the Phillipines), and a 2oz bag of PeeWee Crunchy Pizza Supreme chips (also of Filipino origin): 75 cents.

That's correct. A chocolate bar from the US costed more than two bottles of water (a necessity on the island) and nearly a half pound of junk food. In case you're wondering, Chippy's Chili Cheese Corn Chips are alot like their Frito cousins, only the flavor is a bit more subtle and there is seriously no grease on them. I'm literally opening the Pizza chips right now....

Wow. The "chips" themselves are a cross between Ritz crackers and large pieces of crisped rice. The flavor, however, cannot be stopped. All in all, not a bad $1.64 trip to the local market. Oh, almost forgot...there's no sales tax here. Hey now!

Two more quick things before dinner:

1) There are random dogs running around everywhere on this island. They seem pretty used to cars and people, so it's not like a "oh my god there's four dogs over there...where's my knife?"-type of thing. It's still odd, though. They all seem to run about 30 lbs and would come up to your knee. I'll do some investigating into it.

2) Was driving down Beach Road (one of the three main roads on the island) and hopped out to check out Invasion Beach. My feet and lower calves were in the Pacific for the first time in my life, and it couldn't have been any cooler of an experience. There were some HUGE fishing boats out today...too bad this photo doesn't give you a great perspective...

FYI, this isn't one of the nice beaches and the sky way completely filled with clouds, so if you're jealous looking at this pic, wait until I take a few on a sunny day.

Until then, Hafa Adai*

*Hafa Adai (pronounced HAFF-a-day) is the standard greeting here. Haole (HOW-Lee) is the term for "gringo", and I'm going to eat dinner.

The Last Leg

Airports can be odd places, and I'm somewhat qualified to make that statement because I'm sitting in my fourth one in the last 24 hours. A quick rundown:

Minneapolis/St. Paul: I was dropped off early Saturday morning and made my way through the TSA line with the weary-eyed masses. Busy, efficient, and hey...a store that sells Vikings and Twins stuff. I destroyed a BK breakfast sandwich and hash browns, as there are no BK's in Saipan and I wanted to dance with the King one more time.

Houston (GW Bush International): Same thing as Minneapolis, only substitute Longhorns gear for the Minnesota sports apparel. I fell in line behind a large group (75-100) of Japanese students who were on their way home...not sure if this was going to result in a very, very long flight or not. The flight to Tokyo was actually quite nice, as the on-demand tv screen in the seat-back in front of me had a boatload of movie options. Nixon/Frost was decent, Forgetting Sarah Marshall wasn't nearly as good as I thought it would be, and the Hangover is outstanding the second time around.

Narita/Tokyo: My god. Vending machines with live goldfish. A group of three girls mistakes me for someone famous (I think) and takes a picture with me. Seeing this, a group of six girls walks up to me and takes another picture. I only have ten minutes to get to my gate, so any further dalliances with giggling Japanese girls are put on hold. Make sure you get a decent layover at this place, you won't regret it. During the flight from Tokyo to Guam I caught two hours of sleep, which brings my grand total to six hours since I woke up on Friday morning.

Guam: Almost caused a national security incident when I walked through the first check-in line and was given bad directions which led to me performing an about-face and going backwards through the line. There was a threat of arrest at some point, but I'm sure that was pure gamesmanship on the part of the security guard. The bar is closed (Really? It's 10:45pm right now) and there might be three people in this entire airport right now who aren't employees of an airline or sweeping up the concourse. I'm sitting in the corner of a waiting area, as the TSA desk doesn't open back up until midnight. The Airport Police were leery of my presence at first as my entrance to this joint didn't go unnoticed. In the last 30 minutes I've gone out for a cigarette with one of the cops and I think we're cool at this point. This place is unlike any other airport I've been in. To note:

-Diet Coke from cafe: $2.75

-Diet Pepsi from vending machine: $1.00 (!)

-"Blue Mountain" drink which was purchased in order to get enough quarters to buy the Diet Pepsi as that machine didn't take bills: $1.25 (Blue Mountain is iced coffee, which must be a huge deal in Guam because the machine had like 12 different flavors)

-Free Wifi

-Permanent "Wet Sidewalk" signs on all walls near exits

-The other two travelers in the airport are passed out on couches on the other side of the waiting area. That's right. I'm in an international airport and I'm the only passenger awake right now. At 10:45PM. Kinda feels like a Steven King book.

Regardless, I'm going to be clearing the TSA line in just over an hour. Two and a half hours from then I'll be on a plane which will drop my ass off in Saipan (flight time: 50 minutes). The hotel I'm staying at has free Wifi, so I'll try to post pics up here and on Facebook as soon as I can. I apologize for the lack of photos of fish vending machines and misguided Japanese girls...I'll work on that.

Ten Days Left

Have you ever played the "if you were going to a deserted island and could only take (x number) of things, what would you take? Well, I'm leaving for Saipan in ten days and I'm smack dab in the middle of that game, only this time it's real. As it stands, I'll be taking the following bags onto my flights:

-1 Carry-on

-1 Suitcase

-1 Hard-sided golf travel bag w/clubs

As one cannot fit much into those three bags, it's time to decide what I'll absolutely need and what I can live without. As it stands, here's what I'm bringing:

-MacBook Pro

-Panasonic Digital Camera

-Asus EEE PC Netbook

-Ipod Touch

-Clothes

-Four books on teaching

That's it. 30 years of my life's acquisitions boiled down to a couple of fucking computers, something that takes pictures, something that plays music, and clothing. Wow.

Anyhow, on Saturday, August 21st I will be jumping on a plane and heading to Houston, then Tokyo, then Guam before finally landing in Saipan. I'll be there for two years (save for next summer), teaching at Cha Cha Oceanview Junior High School. I'll be posting anything I think you folks back in MN might find interesting on this site. You can also befriend me on Facebook, where I'll be storing a decent amount of photos from my time on the island. As this post was essentially just a "test", you can expect something a bit less "blah" next time.

Until then...