Rollin' Until The Wheels Fall Off

There she be. The things that don't work in my Camry vastly outnumber the things that do. To note: The radio, speedometer, tach, interior lights, and temperature gauge do not work. All doors besides the driver's have to be opened from the inside (I'm calling this my anti-theft system). It smells like Thai Food. The rear suspension constantly threatens to go out whenever I navigate my driveway. However, it gets me from Point A to Point B reliably, and that's really all you can ask for on this island for $1000. I may sell it after the rainy season and rent a motorcycle for the remaining months of this school year...we'll see.

I've put the better part of the last two decades of taste preference behind me and jumped into the world of fresh fish. Andy and I hit up a Farmers Market-esque gathering near Invasion Beach yesterday morning to check out what the locals were peddling. As I have access to numerous fruits/veggies/seasonings in my yard, I had little use for most of the market's wares. We quickly made our way to the fish stand, and the sign at the front read "Tuna = $1/lb". Coolers were opened, the final price was discussed, and we took home a recently caught skipjack/striped/aku tuna. For $4. Tah. I prepared enough potatoes to hedge against the possibility of me not liking the fish, and I sliced up a honeydew melon I bought from some dude in a pickup truck. Lauren and Emily made the trip up north and we picked at the potatoes until Andy came in with the grilled tuna steaks. A dumped a bit more of some onion/hot pepper/dill sauce on the steak and took my first bite of real fish in well over 15 years, and...

I liked it. I actually liked it. From what I can gather, the fish we had (while fresh) wasn't the greatest, however I could certainly eat it again. There is a decent amount of yellowfin (Ahi) out here which is supposedly superior to skipjack, so perhaps that will be my next venture into seafood.

In work-related news, my first baseball game is coming up quickly and I'll be teaching 4th period Psychology for the remainder of the semester. If I were at home I would consider all of these changes at work to be the equivalent of "screwing me around", however when you're on the island all you can do is laugh and roll with it. Speaking of the island, I checked out a small island off the eastern coast of Saipan yesterday...

Forbidden Island. Wow. Quite the hike down, quite the hike back up, but 100% worth it. There's a small tide pool located near the beach which is surrounded by coral and clocks in at 20 degrees cooler than the ocean, thus it was a perfect place to snorkel. It was really like swimming in a saltwater aquarium, so I was cramped by the photographer's dilemma: "I need this shot. I need that one too! And that one!". Seeing as how I don't have time to load them all onto this space right now, I figured I would at least post one. Check out this dude:

After some swimming and photography it was time to head for high ground as the sun was beginning to set on the other side of the cliff. The march up the hill/mountain/what-have-you, while taxing, provided me with some exercise. Much like AC/DC noted, it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. I mean a really, really long way. This isn't some Sir Edmund Hillary shit, but it's as close as you want to get wearing a pair of Stan Smiths (which are now officially destroyed. Farewell, young sirs. You served me very well on many a night in Stilly). In all seriousness, does this look like a hike you want to take in casual tennis shoes with no traction?:

Lesson Learned.

I miss a few things about home, however none so different that they warrant mentioning in this space. It's the usual stuff (family, friends, etc) that gets to you every once in awhile. Thank god for Skype and Facebook...I have no idea how people did this stuff before the internet. With all of that said, I've contracted my first illness on the island: The redoubtable Common Cold. Yuck. I'll do what I can to fight the malady with plenty of fluids. It's definitely times like these that I wish I had access to the NSP Winchester, a decent Walgreens, and Panera's Spicy Chicken Tortilla Soup. I'll get over it, though; there's always the beach.

Almost forgot...the blade(!):

Until next time.

Wishing Into One Hand And Having A Gecko Sh*t Into The Other

This is from my backyard a couple of days ago. For those of you who are asking whether or not I'm happy in Saipan: Take another look at that sunset. Click on the picture to get the full effect. It's altogether insane that I get to live here let alone have this view for $500/mo. The crazy thing is, I would only see things like this in movies had I not jumped on the plane out here. But shit works both ways, as the locals here see things like roller skating rinks and rollercoasters and large concert venues and midnight bowling on their TV screens and are blown away. Everything's relative, really, but if you're going to have access to something everyday, I'll take this over Lava Links any day of the week. I tossed a snorkle mask on for the first time yesterday at Wing Beach...peep it:

I'm not convinced that the fish here haven't been spraypainted by some rogue graffiti artist. It takes your brain a few seconds to adjust; these aren't colors you're ever seen in your life. The live coral is amazing...I finally understand why large reefs have gotten (and deserve) protection by the powers-that-be. Most of the fish subscribe to the "that thing is bigger than me, I need to leave" school of survival, thus it takes a while to figure out how best to take photos of them. Then again, I made friends with this dude who seriously followed me around for like five minutes:

He was 2-3 lbs and about a foot long, if that helps the visual. Regardless, if one forgets that they are playing around in the same surf where countless Marines and Japanese soldiers lost their lives, there are reminders literally under your feet:

Yup, that be a grenade. From my experience with them I could tell that it was dead, as it was considerably lighter than a fully functioning unit. Then again, it could have been a gas grenade...good thing I didn't throw it against a rock to find out. It's crazy to go from lakes where you might marvel at finding a beer can from the 60's to a body of water that has legit artifacts from the Second World War. It's quite humbling, actually...if the US decided to skip this chain of islands there's almost no chance I would be here right now. If you have a glass of scotch or a Bud or a bottle of San Miguel with a slice from a lime you just picked off of a tree 20 minutes ago, have one for those who serve and have served.

I conducted baseball practice #1 this afternoon. Kids out here can flat-out PLAY. Then again, they've been playing 365 days a year since they were in pre-school, so it shouldn't be a shock. Our first game is 10/7/2010 against the ever-dangerous Kagman High School, so I'll keep you posted on the progress of the Dolphin Boys Baseball Team.

I swear the next post will feature the Camry and the Machete.

Is Anyone Here A Marine Biologist?

I took this picture from the top of Mt. Tapochao last night, as I jumped in a car with Emily, Andy, and Lauren before braving the dirt/gravel roads which lead to the top of the hill. I stood on the gate at the outer reaches of a large estate and snapped the photo just after the sun went down. It's still amazing to me that I get to do things like this whenever I feel like it.

My work as a co-designer of the Alternative High School is starting to shape-up. My fellow teachers and I have a meeting with the Commissioner of Education on Thursday, and my business experience has me more than prepared for the encounter. "We're ahead of schedule, here's proof"; "We're ready to begin direct modeling of the program as soon as we get access to our budget"; blah blah blah. In the meantime I've been subbing in various classes from Chemistry to Mariana Islands History; I know very little about either, but I'm making it work. The students here are amazing...they're like the kids I had in Stillwater, however all of these kids are going to have to work for a living.

No photos of The Machete yet, but I'll get a good action shot soon and It'll be up here soon. I've named the blade "Tita" after the secretary who sits in the main office at MHS and practically runs the school. If every school and/or business had one of her, the world would be a better place. That holds true for a small percentage of other employees in the school and around the island...the majority of them are of questionable competency, however when you find the ones that are good at their jobs, they are amazing. There's a maintenance dude (Emory) that shouts out "HI SIR!" to me almost every day without regard to our proximity to one another. He's seriously done this across campus. He also remembers EVERYTHING you ask him for. If you ask for an extension cord, he remembers five days later when he sees an extra one laying around. He'll bring it to you with a smile on his face while driving his converted pick-up truck (it was once a Toyota Van...I'll get a photo of it soon). Speaking of photos, let's go underwater at Pau Pau Beach:

Zebra Fish! These dudes are everywhere here. They aren't curious whatsoever, so any movement generally scares them off. It's literally and figuratively a long way from Silver Lake where sunfish would swim alongside those brave enough to endure the Eurasian Milfoil and the ever-present threat of Swimmer's Itch. Swimming in the ocean here can be done, however one needs to walk over quite a bit of coral and vegetation to get to a deep enough spot. Por ejemplo:

I've already removed a 3" shard or coral from my foot. Don't worry Mom, that was weeks ago, I'm fine. It did take a sizeable chunk with it when taken out, so lesson learned: Buy swimming socks. If I had the foresight to buy them in MN I would have received them today, as Christmas came early and I picked up eight large flat-rate boxes at Quick Print today from my PO Box. I had no idea what I would need out here when I was packing, and it's reflected in what I saw today when the Leatherman cut open the packages (a box of pens, Band-Aids, and coasters? Really?). It was great to get some more clothes and a few more hats, though.

A few quick things, then I'm off like a dirty shirt (Hi Bug!!!)

-EVERY TIME you buy something at a market here, they offer to bag it up. A single can of Diet Coke. A pack of Marlboro Lights. A pack of gum. It doesn't matter, you're getting plastic.

-The gym at Marianas High School is impressive. I hit it up earlier today for a workout with Emily and we had our run of a full weight room, a room with a half dozen Grade-A treadmills/ellipticals, and enough A/C to piss Al Gore off. A quick mile on the treadmill and some free-weights made me feel like I could run through a brick wall.

-Monday marks the beginning of practices for the MHS Baseball team which I am coaching along with another teacher. I'm really looking forward to seeing where these kids are at with the game...hopefully I'll be going over finer points and not two weeks of practicing "Stop, Come to a 'T', and throw"-type of drills.

-San Miguel Pale Pilsen (sic) is an above-average Filipino brew. Think Red Stripe without the "gringo here!" connotation which comes with ordering one. Good times.

Until the next one...

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying

Uploading a photo onto this blog takes about 15 minutes, so I apologize as I have to wait until I get some decent free time to dump several of them at once. Onto the show...

Yep, that's me on a 80' rope swing at Tanapag Beach. The tide was low when I was out there, so one couldn't let go and fall into the ocean (lest they end up with little or no feeling in their legs and arms). Instead it was a crazy, adrenaline-fueled ride which was equal parts "wow, I'm on a rope swing over the ocean" and "oh shit oh shit oh shit don't hit the palm tree". Tanapag, while not as nice as Pau Pau (the one across the street from me), has it's own charm. A makeshift thatched-roof pavilion sits alongside a 55 gallon trash barrel which acts as a community grill. Public dogs aren't too happy with you when you arrive, however any decent show of force chases them off. Empty bottles of Seagram's 7 and Sprite lay atop any flat surface you can find, and hey...is that an energy-efficient lightbulb wired up between two trees? These people have life figured out. It feels quite a bit like Wisconsin; you do your 8 hours, come home, and chill with your family and neighbors until an hour or two after sunset, only to repeat this all week long. If some random white dudes roll through on their way to the beach, invite them over to eat.

Being a teacher here is the exact opposite of what it's like in The States. People BEND OVER BACKWARDS for you once they know you're a teacher...it's not anything like the "Oh, you're a teacher? That's so sweet...I could never do that, but it's great that there's people like you out there doing it" response you get on the mainland. There's a "teacher rate" at most spas, golf courses, and resort buffets. Cops here shake your hand when they know you're a teacher. Everyone calls you "sir" and their eyes light up when you tell them what school you work at, as they are almost always related to someone in the school. But back to the beach...

So this is Tanapag. Off in the distance you can see some bombed-out cliffs from WWII and a large resort that looks like a cruise ship (not easy to do from the photo unless you can enlargen it...not sure if this site allows you to do so). The resort is called The Palms and, well, it's probably the nicest place I'll ever walk through in my entire life. Think of a nice casino on the strip, put it on the ocean, and staff it with the nicest people you'll ever meet in your life. Then have a bar with a 2-for-1 happy hour from 5 to 10:30, and place the building 1000 feet from your front door. Let's check it out together:

Amazing view: Check.

Saltwater pond, fish adorned with unimaginable color, as well as multiple Sharks (Sharks!): check.

Ocean-View Balconies, Glass elevators (toward the middle of the pic), and a gigantic pool with water polo/volleyball/swim-up bar/Japanese bikini girls (not in the photo): Check.

It's really a shame, as the entire resort (save for one restaurant, the gym, and their Pilates room) is closing on October 11th to undergo an 18 month renovation. I really wish I'd been here two years earlier, as this is one of the better spots to crawl into during a typhoon. We're supposed to get one this week, so I may be a resident of this place very soon.

As we speak there's a thunderstorm hitting the northern edge of the island (say it with me: The Norf Syd). It's really kind of nice as it reminds me of being in MN. It's kind of a beast to drive through, as street lights are very infrequent and there are small plastic bumps in the road in place of painted lines. Pair that with the Camry's capabilities and transportation is a dicey proposition at best.

I have some street cred already on this island, for reasons that escape me. I don't need to give the waitresses at Godfather's my card anymore to start a tab. Maybe that's because Melody (a waitress) likes me. You should get used this place being mentioned on this blog, as Godfather's is THE bar out here for gringos like myself (bigscreen TV's always on ESPN, live music 7 nights a week, etc). They always have a $3 beer on special and they give you salted-in-the-shell peanuts. Not sure I need anything else.

Then again, my street cred may come from the fact that Andy and I took delivery of matching 22" Machetes (out here it's pronounced MAH-CHE-TEE) at Ace Hardware yesterday. Lito, the maintenance man in our apartment building, sharpened them with a bench grinder to the point where they can cut a piece of paper in half if you strike it correctly. Brian, I know you're hyperventilating right now...I'll bring one home for you. Regardless, I am learning how to cut open a coconut soon and will eventually move on to sawgrass clearing and filleting papayas and mangoes, as we have them in our yard. BTW: Mango Salsa with Thai Hot Pepper, Soju (Korean Booze), Fresh Lemon, Fresh Green Onion, and Fresh Green Tea Leaves is worth the preparation time. I have all of that stuff (besides the Soju) in my yard right now...it's a tough life. Other things growing in my yard: Pomegranate, Fig, Sweet Sap (the sweetest version of Pineapple you'll have in your life; it honestly tastes like it was manufactured by Willy Wonka), Bitter Melon, Tomato, Tinian Pepper, Bell Pepper, Green Chile Pepper, Noni (I have to do some research on that one), and lemon grass (awesome for cooking). I'm going to be an Iron Chef within weeks.

I'll have pics of the machete and more about my job in the next post. Until then...

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Stay warm.

I Got The Shotgun, You Got The Briefcase

My goodness. I started this blog in earnest a little over two weeks ago and the counter says 1600 page views. I appreciate everyone checking this site out, and I'm genuinely humbled by the sheer volume of interest. Also, I've realized that I haven't gotten around to answering questions directly via the comment section, so here goes:

@Caitlin: I wrote "get used to" Emily because she's a great person and I'll be mentioning her quite a bit in this space...no idea on the "dating" situation right now. I'll also be mentioning Andy (The Alexander Ovechkin look-alike) and Lauren quite a bit too.

@Brian: Korean food is seriously underrated. Those mofos can BBQ with the best of them. Sorry I didn't answer your Skype call...I was at "work".

@Questions regarding my import/export ideas: This place seriously lacks the infrastructure to attempt such an endeavor. Believe you me...it's much easier said than done.

@E40: About 1/4 of the teachers here are new to the island. Some are people who are just here for the two-year experience, and some are kinda creepy dudes that will be totally marrying a local/Filipina/Chinese/Japanese girl within their first year. I'm part of the former group.

@Mom: I've got the Jury Duty thing under control. Let's try to keep "State/Federal Law" things between emails and not on a public space. Thanks, and I love you.

@Everyone else that has commented or read this blog: Thank you for making this worth it. Now, onto the show...

Welcome to Marianas High School, home of the Dolphins. This is where I'll be spending the better part of the next 2+ years, and it's a pretty cool place save for the speed bumps in the parking lot (The Camry HATES speed bumps...I'm pretty sure the rear suspension gave out sometime during the Clinton Administration). The school is comprised of several alphabetically-labeled buildings connected either by questionable balconies or carport-like awnings. The Alternative School, my school, is in building "H"...

She ain't pretty, but she'll do. We (the Alternative School teachers) have been tasked with re-constructing the guts of the building to match our mind's eye. Literally. Like...we're the ones who are physically doing the demo/construction. I am more than thankful that I have experience in this area vis a vis Nick's cabin in Siren, Wisconsin. It's a different kind of blood that runs through your veins when you are given a project that you know you can handle without pause. I would liken it to a prizefighter walking down the barricaded aisle towards the ring; the fight isn't something he has to do...it's something he DOES. While I must stop short of anointing myself as the Manny Pacquaio of school construction, let's be real: I know my way around drywall/framing/etc, so it's really more of a "fun" project than it is work. And when I get done with the project, I do this:

Pau Pau Beach...that is Andy in the photo. It's unbelievable to think that when I get too much sand or coral or seaweed on me that I can simply walk into the PACIFIC MUHFUGGIN' OCEAN to rinse it off. No matter what anyone says...it doesn't get old. We chilled at the beach for awhile and left just before sunset. As this is the "rainy" season, there aren't too many picturesque moments around 6pm, however I caught one in a fleeting moment:

Yup, this is what I get to see on a nightly basis. It's at once disconcerting and exhilarating; on one hand you have the feeling that the sun is disappearing due to a large body of water (and not trees or a cornfield or a housing development), and on the other hand you realize that you're lucky to be alive and able to see things such as this. It's moments like these that soften the frustration that comes with adjusting to the "island lifestyle" and it's inherent inefficiency.

Quick things:

-Sea Cucumbers are NOT plant life. They are slugs that move and shoot a sticky white cloudy substance at you when you disrupt them. The locals pick them up off of the ocean floor and throw them at each other in a modified Dodgeball/Chicken game. Everyone wins.

-The locals here will invite you to join them in their BBQ's. Seriously, it's like they wait for people to show up just to feed them. The local fare isn't that great (cut-rate beef ribs, purpleish sweet potatoes, etc), however you cannot be "the guy who refuses", so indulge at your own risk. There's a family that legitimately waited for us while we swam for two hours to offer us food...you can't pass that shit up.

-Betel Nut is overrated. I tried it for the first time and was underwhelmed at best. You bite the black tip of the nut off, crack it in half, fill it with lime (no idea what this version of "lime" is...it's certainly not the kind you have in a Corona), wrap it in a leaf by itself or with tobacco, and place it between your lip and gums, much like a chaw/chew/dip/snoose/etc. The Matriarch of the clan insisted that I'd get "stoned to the bones", however nothing of the sort transpired. Methinks my tolerance is a bit higher than that of the average Chamorro (CHA-MO-ROW) or Carolinian (pronounced just like it's spelled).

-The Camry is responsible for the livelihood of at least three people on the island. Much like Building H, it's not gorgeous, but it greases the wheels. I was pulled over three times last weekend due to one deficient headlight and the fact that my license plates could not be read from 200 feet. A halogen bulb and some blue acrylic paint propelled my ride into "street legal" status. I'll have pics soon.

Strapped With A Couple of Mac's, Too Many Nines Now

The Thursday night street market in Garapan is a poor man's version of the MN State Fair, only it happens year round and features a large dance floor as well as the hilarity that comes with multiple vendors (some only ten feet from each other) selling the exact same things at the exact same price. Indeed, it would seem that little research has been done by these folks into the inelasticity which dominates their market. Regardless, a skewer of spicy pork, a dish consisting of BBQ beef and 1.5lbs of rice, and two Budweisers set me back $7. I can dig it. The dance area wasn't populated with pre-pubescent breakdancers this time; some local men did a grass skirt warrior routine that ended with a disappointing show of bo-staff skills. I'm convinced I could handle my 5th grade School Safety Patrol flag pole better than they could wield whatever it is they had (bamboo?). I had the delight of sharing the evening with friends...

Sitting to the left in the pic is Andy, my Minnesota paison and neighbor. He has a gig at Marianas High School teaching Biology. He looks very much like NHL'er Alexander Ovechkin, so much in fact that some locals stopped us to take a photo with him while shouting "OVARSKI!!!"...apparently they have Sportscenter out here. To the right is Lauren who is a nice young lady from Phoenix and teaches at Kagman Elementary School (it's on the front leg of the "dinosaur" if you're looking at a map of Saipan...and comparing it to a dinosaur). I met both of these folks within a few days of landing here. Another person that I've met:

Say Hi to Emily. She's the funniest girl I've met in my life, as well as the smartest, so you might want to get used to her. She's from Boston, but don't hold that against her as she attended college in MN (St. Ooooooolaf). We four hit the town to enjoy the local fare and fought off the massage parlor girls and public dogs and rain in order to have a good time. After leaving the market we hit up Godfather's (the local American watering hole) and then proceeded up Chalan Pale Arnold Road/Middle Road to As Matuis to cap the night off. All in all, it meant for a difficult Friday morning, but some difficult mornings are absolutely worth it.

I hope to have an eventful Labor Day Weekend, so check back for some pics and whatnot.

Have fun at work today.

Every Time I Think I'm Out, They Pull Me Back In

So yeah...this is the sunset from Pau Pau Beach. I could have taken a picture from my crib at the time, but whatever...there's no reason I was leaving the sand at this point. I'm guessing you'll understand.

I had my first day in the school today...not much to report other than I still have very little knowledge about what I'll be doing on a day-to-day basis other than "developing" an Alternate Education program. My best guess is that we'll be done sometime in October and the rest of the time will be wasted on pretending that we're busy. It reminds me of when I worked for a moving company between my two "senior" years of college and was tasked with relocating an entire ING document warehouse from Brooklyn Park to someplace in PoDunk, Iowa. After the first month of the moving job we had almost nothing to do, thus the remainder of the two month contract was spent by playing floor hockey and pretending that we were working. It's a double-edged sword: On one hand, I'll be doing next-to-nothing; on the other, I'll be bored. Then again...there's always the beach.