Karma Doesn't Boil Away

God Bless Saipan. For those of you who don't see what's wrong in this photo, that's a Toyota VAN that has been modified into a pick-up truck. My guess is they used a Sawzall and a few dozen blades to get the job done. Regardless, this triumph of Saipanese engineering is piloted by Emory, the hardest working man in High School Maintenance. At 3:00pm each day the truck is driven around campus to collect trash...it's very reminiscent of the "Bring Out Your Dead!!!" scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Halloween is a much bigger deal here than I thought it would be. Large parties, somewhat-skeezy promotions at bars, and the dreaded lines at the department stores. That shit is exactly the same here...parents are pissed off that they have to wait 30 minutes to spend $25 on a plastic mask that will be garbage on 11/1, kids are pissed off because they wanted to be a fucking ZOMBIE and not Spiderman, the cashier is pissed off because she's had to tell 100 people that the Snickers, while in the display with the rest of the $1.99 candy, cost $4. I can sympathize with the cashier, though...even a three-year old knows Snickers dominate Tootsie Rolls. Anyhow, as you can see I made it out last night dressed up as Random Jersey Shore Guy. I know, too easy, but I'm not the type that usually dresses up, so I just went with what I had on hand. Not in the picture: The gel-aided fauxhawk on my head and abs that I drew on myself with a Sharpie. In the picture: Me and Edz, whose real name is probably "Kryptonite". She's dressed like a mermaid. Or a genie...it doesn't matter. The kids at school were worked up about Halloween all week, and on Friday we had a 1pm dismissal followed by a student fair where one could walk around, eat some sugary food, and take in the student skits/group dances:

Group dancing out here is a big deal, so much in fact that every grade level and extra-curricular club had their time on stage to pop and lock. One dance skit involved two boys with one dressed up as a women. The kids LOST THEIR SHIT during this number, which isn't saying much. The kids here are extremely excitable and it is a constant challenge to balance motivating them through humor and losing them for 10 minutes because they simply can't stop laughing at a joke. Good times all around. Speaking of kids here (and people here in general), anyone who spends time in Saipan will observe how genuine the folks here are. Being nice is a good thing, for sure, but people here are so real that it's tough to not think that someone is pulling your leg. Two examples:

1) Andy and I were looking for a student activity group-sponsored BBQ last weekend. We thought we were a bit lost at first as we couldn't find any high school kids grilling in the pavilions where the aforementioned BBQ was taking place. We approached a pavilion which looked promising, only to find out that is was a birthday party for a local kid. As we were asking someone if they knew where we might find our destination, a dude came from out of nowhere to look at our admission ticket.

Local dude (looking at ticket): "Oh, that's going on at Kilili Pavilion, it's right over there"

Us: "We already looked there, there aren't any school people there and the Pavilion is filled with another family."

Local dude (incredulous): "What? It is???" (calls another local dude over) "Do you know about this? Do you know about the school BBQ? Someone else is in that pavilion right now!"

Other local dude: "Are you sure? That doesn't sound right"

Local dude #1: "That's what these guys are saying"

Local dude #2 (to us): "Oh...I'm sorry guys, it looks like your BBQ isn't going on right now. If you want we can check around for you to see if they are somewhere else"

Us: "We're good, but thanks for helping out"

2) I was talking to my students about Halloween and how much I love Take 5 candy bars. None of them had heard or seen the confection before, and they refused to believe me when I was telling them how delicious they are. As I'd seen them at a local market, I offered to pick some up to bring on the Friday before Halloween. One of my students, Austin, had clearly just had his mind blown by the very mention of the Take 5 bar.

Austin: "Mister...I've never heard of the Take 5 before"

Me: "Oh, it exists...it's fantastic"

Austin (more animated): "But sir, I love chocolate, I eat chocolate bars all the time, I...I've never heard of the Take 5. I've never seen a Take 5. I just...how can there be a delicious candy bar out there that I don't know of?"

Me (skeptical): "Are you sure you're not just saying this so I bring some of them to class?"

Austin (clearly offended at this point): "Mister, I'm just saying that if this Take 5 bar exists and it's as good as you say it is, I need to have one. I'm going to be thinking about the Take 5 until I have one. I'm trying to think of how it will taste...."

Me: "Ok.....I'll bring them in Friday"

I brought them in Friday. Austin's new favorite candy bar: The Take 5.

Take it easy, folks. Enjoy the snow!!

Tell Me About The Golf Shoes

There she be...the Island Field of Dreams. "Tan Ko" Palacios field is the only recognized "Official" ballfield on the island. Naturally, the high school teams split time there with other leagues on the island as well as international teams who make stops in Saipan. Our season is only two weeks old, yet will be over in another two weeks before our playoffs begin. Why, you ask? There are Korean pro teams that use this field for their winter league, and like everything else on the island, $$$ = Access. I guess you could say the same about the rest of the free world, but the effect here is much more pronounced. The photo above contains two players whom are technically ineligible to play (academic reasons), however they play anyway...again, welcome to Saipan. The squad is 1-2-1 as of now and we have two more games this week. I'll try to get some action shots, or at least one of me coaching at third base giving some sort of signal. I LOVE that part of coaching.

It may be difficult to discern what is in the above photo...it's the view from the second level of G.I.G., the island's premier dance club. I hit G.I.G. up on the evening of my birthday with Lauren, Andy, and David (he's been pictured in this blog before...check out the Bird Island pics and find the dude with the dreadlocks). Good times were had by all, and for awhile I forgot that I was away from home. The DJ gave me a shout-out for my birthday and referred to me as "the hardest m*therf*cker at Marianas High School", which is hilarious because there were students in the club that evening. "High School students in a dance club on a Friday night?" you ask. Yup...one of them even bummed me a Marlboro. One more time, say it with me: Welcome to the island. I did mention that it was my birthday...I'm 31 now. Still on the calendar for one more year, however I'm only four away from eligibility regarding election to president. Jents in 2016: "Because it can't get worse".

Take a guess at what the red thing in the photo is. A flower? An underwater flower? A hair binder that has made its way to the ocean floor? Nope. It's coral. That stuff is insane, and I implore any one of you who hasn't seen it to do a Google image search and look at the different types. I always thought coral was the jagged, rocky-type stuff that comprised the majority of The Great Barrier Reef (5th Grade Social Studies IN THE HOUSE!), however it's much more than that. Quick rule of thumb: If you want to see really bright-colored fish in the ocean, go towards the really brightly-colored coral. Guaranteed results.

Random Island topics:

-The Palms Resort (check earlier blog posts for photos) has officially closed. They are saying that they are "renovating their rooms" and will re-open in 18 months, however I don't see any construction going on. Methinks they are waiting for some sort of tax relief to finally run out before they blow the mofo up.

-It's been pouring here, likely as a result of Typhoon Megi hitting China. Puddles in the street come halfway up to the windows in the Camry, so one has to really WANT to go somewhere before leaving home. I was hoping to squeeze 18 holes in today, however as of 10:00am it doesn't look pretty. This is some monsoon-type precipitation...we're talking three straight days of rain with almost no breaks. Yeesh.

-A dozen brown local farm eggs in Saipan: $3. The chickens here must all drive Audis.

-Things the island is running low on: Rolling Rock beer, tortilla chips, and decent bacon. I feel as though I'm singlehandedly responsible for any potential shift in the supply/demand curve in Saipan. You know...if the concept of supply and demand existed here.

-There are rumors of a $500 4 day/3 night trip to Australia (that's airfare from Saipan and hotel). I'm absolutely going to look into this, as I'm certainly not going to Japan over Christmas break. I came here to be away from winter...why would I pay money to see snow? Anyhow, Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy!

Adios, peeps.

On To The Next One...

This is one of the many views from Marianas Country Club, located 1 minute north of me in the village of Marpi. I spoke about it in my last post, however imagery never hurts. Indeed, it's pretty tough to get pissed about a 3-putt bogey when you see things like this as soon as you pick the ball up from the hole. I'm likely golfing again today (Sunday), however I may try another course on the island.

I checked out Old Man By The Sea last weekend. Large rock formations/coral formations like the one to the left of this photo are EVERYWHERE on the beaches out here, and they provide ample housing for coconut crabs and would-be squatters. That's if the island had squatters; I think the last count was that there were two homeless people on the island. With all of the abandoned buildings from the "makin' it rain" days of a couple decades ago, it would be nearly impossible to not have a roof over your head. Regardless, I was donating my time once again to the English Language-Learning group of Korean kids. Tasked with keeping Hyun-Ki alive for the day (HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!), I navigated the paths and rocks down to the beach along with the rest of the group. Once we made it to sea level, Hyun said he was ready to "fight the ocean". I put my money on the water, however it was a toss-up. I mean, would you want a piece of this kid?

Apropos of nothing, I do believe that McDonald's breakfast is a cure for several ailments. My cold/sore throat finally feels like it's going away, my short bout with homesickness has subsided, and the ridiculous sodium content will help me retain some water (it's still 85 degrees here). Ok, fine...that last one was just to rub it in everyone's faces in MN. Have fun when it snows in a few weeks, folks!

Random observations from the island:

-Gay relationships are frowned upon, however lesbian relationships are completely normal and are in the open. I see it quite a bit at school each day...it's a strange double-standard.

-There is quite a bit of anti-Filipino sentiment on the island. In fact, the predominant form of racism here is the Chamorro resentment of immigrants from the Philippines. It's very odd, as the Filipino contingent here represents 95% of the service industry. To paraphrase "Fight Club": They make our meals, they drive our taxis, they guard us while we sleep. They shouldn't be messed with.

-My housewares situation is abysmal, and it's finally starting to take its toll on me. Only having 2 towels = Doing laundry every five days. No microwave = No leftovers = Wasted food. No Toaster = No Toast = Less-Appetizing Bagels. I need to get to some garage sales soon, as buying these things brand new would be a horrible waste of money.

-Silverware rusts overnight if you don't dry it immediately after washing it (yes, even the nice "Stainless" Steel stuff. In fact, I've gone through 2 dog tag chains since I've landed here and the Movado needs a new band. I guess it's just something you have to live with when you're near saltwater...

-Crazy Light-Blue Translucent Fish in a Tide Pool? Crazy Light-Blue Fish in a Tide Pool:

Until we meet again...

It Will Come Out In The Wash

I took the above photo at The Grotto, which is an internationally known diving spot. While I didn't hit the water there (I spent the day at Bird Island...more to come on that), I simply couldn't pass up the opportunity. Yes, there was a second rainbow not in the picture. Double Rainbow, all the way.

I'd like to mention that there are but 30 "followers" of this blog, yet I've had over 3,300 hits in just over a month. I cannot believe this level of support (seriously...there are people in CANADA reading this blog)

A few words to the wise before the show starts:

-A quick raise of both eyebrows is the same as saying "yes" on Saipan. It appeared at first to be a local custom, however most of the immigrant population (and some American poseurs) have adopted it as well. Go ahead and try it sometime at a meeting...guaranteed results.

-Mangos are delicious, and Mango Ice Cream is the crack-cocaine of frozen treats. I'm convinced that I need an ice cream maker with all of the different fruits and veggies (Guava, anyone?) that are literally within my reach.

-While it seemed like a HUGE DECISION to come out here, the quick acclimation process has put that into perspective. I can find Pringles and Diet Coke, albeit overpriced, at any market. My diet has indeed expanded, however the staples of Dry Roasted Peanuts, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and Bananas are still in full effect. I miss the pizza oven, though, and for that matter any place that has a pizza oven. I'm thinking Roddy's/The Winchester in specific. If you're there while reading this, start a collection for my flight home this summer. It could be like the shamrocks for MDA thing, only you could use palm trees as the collateral for people's currency.

-"Local" Beers ranked in order of my preference (best to gawd-awful): San Miguel Pale Pilsen, Asahi, OB (Oriental Brew), Hite, San Miguel Light

-Unless you're a teacher, you may want to postpone any ideas of coming out here to get a job. The government is shut down...thankfully the school system has "exempt" status from the job freeze. Local politics are a bloodsport here, and it's best to stay away unless you're a local. The shutdown has affected me personally, as the baseball field my team practices at has been locked up since 10/1. Onto the meat and potatoes...

Spiders here are highly evolved. This is a photo of an arachnid that has woven an "X" into the middle of his web to disguise his presence. You can barely see him from this side of his web, however he's roughly 5" long leg-to-leg, and you'd best believe he means business. Then again, I'm sure the geckos have figured this out, and the spider and his web disappeared two days after I took this photo. In other bug-related news, I took out a grasshopper the other night with a flick of the machete. Honestly, that thing is the great equalizer.

Oh yeah...Bird Island. I travelled out to the rock with Andy, Emily, a couple of our local friends, and their ELL (English Language-Learner) students last Saturday. Not ones to rest on our laurels, we navigated the rocky channel to the island itself and circumnavigated it on foot. The attitude out here is at once comforting and insane. If you were charged with bringing a half dozen or-so 4th and 5th graders to a scenic spot on the ocean, would you be concerned about coral outcroppings, a rising tide, and paths which are no more than 18" of slippery rocks which hang over splashing tide pools and boulders? I remember teachers getting skittish at the first sign of danger in The States ("make sure there's a safety patrol person at the sidewalk before crossing"). Out here, it's kind of Survival Of The Fittest. For those of you that think American kids need to man up, just send them to Saipan for a little while. "Oh, you really want to walk on those rocks where you have a twelve percent chance of slipping and dying? Go ahead!".

There are many more photos from Bird Island...so many, in fact, that I simply don't have the time to post them tonight. I promise you two more posts in the next five days. WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!!!