Ho-Tel, Mo-Tel, Holiday Inn

Another Christmas has come and gone, only this time I spent part of it at the beach. As 90%+ of Saipan is Catholic, I wasn't the only one celebrating on 12/25. Christmas lights adorn random markets up and down the main roads. Makeshift Christmas "trees" (see: wire and lights in the shape of a fir) are displayed in some businesses and in front of churches. I spent the day and evening with Emily, Andy, and Molly (Andy's girlfriend from DULUTH!). After exchanging a few gifts Emily and I made spaghetti for dinner. Now, garlic bread is the Blue Magic Heroin of side items in my mind, so I decided to prepare a bastardized version of it by using sliced bread, butter, and garlic powder. Upon arriving at the store I saw the proverbial "two birds/one stone" opportunity staring me in the face: Star Garlic-Flavored margarine from the Philippines. I grabbed the tub ($1.69!) from the cooler and made my way home. As I am sans-microwave on Saipan I figured it was best to set the tub on my counter while preparing the rest of the meal, thus the margarine would soften up to a spreadable-state. Ten minutes later I was ready to place the bread in the oven. The tub was opened and I dug in with a knife. Rather, I TRIED to dig in with a knife. I'm relatively certain that Star Garlic-Flavored margarine was used by the Masons in lieu of bricks and/or mortar back in the day. That isn't to say it tasted bad, however, as what I was able to scrape off the top of the oleo puck melted nicely and gave the bread a bit of flavor. I'm not sure a microwave would do the trick...they can use this stuff to patch me up next time my lung collapses (what up Nurse Amy!).

Oh yeah...the picture. Horses on the driving range? Horses on the driving range. God bless Saipan.

I had another chance to go to Managaha yesterday. This is the honest-to-god process for getting there:

-Talk to as many locals as possible to find out where tickets can be procured

-Find unmarked road with an unmarked building at the end of it

-Press the button at the door to state your business

-Show Identification and make reservation

-Bring reservation copy and ID to unmarked dock at the end of an unmarked road (Andy, Molly, and I stopped at several docks only to be told we needed to go to the dock on "the other side". The other side of what? No one seemed to know.

-Arrive 30 minutes early (12:30 arrival, 1:00 boat departure)

-Show reservation copy and ID to boat employees

-Depart a full half hour behind schedule

All of this for a 7 minute boat ride. Welcome to the island!

The above photo is of a Latte stone, which were used back in the day by inhabitants of Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands as foundation for their homes. While almost no homes are currently propped up by Lattes (LAH-TEES), the stone itself is the main symbol of Chamorro culture and is therefore omnipresent on Saipan. Everything from license plates to campaign signs to T-shirts is adorned with a Latte. Managaha was awesome as usual. I got some snorkeling in and took some decent shots of a school of needlefish. If you can't enlarge the photo on here you should check it out on my Facebook:

Talking, Skyping, and emailing with friends and family back home reminds me of how much I miss Minnesota. When I received things I seriously needed out here to improve my quality of life (ipod dock, new wife-beater tank tops, beef jerky) from my family it meant so much more than I had anticipated. I definitely missed seeing my family, especially my nieces and nephew. To Crash, Bug, and E-Unit: your strange gifts from Saipan will be there soon.

That isn't to say I missed everything that comes along with Christmas. While I wish I would have been able to make it to family functions and the always-eventful Xmas Eve night at The Winchester, it was very nice to not be accosted by bell-ringers at every door I walk into. It was nice to have a built-in reason to not attend "Ugly Sweater" parties and "12 Bars Of Christmas ZOMGSOMEGUYISGONNADRESSUPASZOMBIECLAUS!"-type events. Jesus Christ White People: Let's move on, shall we?

BONUS ROUND!

-Island moment of the week: Six people were riding together in the back of a small Mazda pickup. One man playing ukelele, the other five singing songs at the top of their lungs. All adults. I have to hand it to the locals on Saipan: They have mass transit figured out.

-No contract yet for the college professor job, but if there's one thing I know about this place it's that I shouldn't be concerned. In all likelihood I will get a call 15 minutes before the start of the first class period..."Uh...Mr. Jents? Are you teaching today?"

-The sunset photo above was taken from a spot in my yard where Lito (Filipino Maintenance Man Extraordinaire) is constructing a gazebo. I guess it will be screened in to keep the bugs out and have a low-standing table in the middle (Japanese-style). Vegas just took the odds off the board for the "How soon after the gazebo is finished will Steve pass out in it?" bet.

-I am 99.9% sure I'm going to win a fantasy football league even though the season started when I was 7,000 miles away. WE'RE GOING TO THE HAMPTONS!

Until the next one...

15 Degrees North Parallel > 20 Inches Of Snow

It's easy to sit back and laugh when I see pics from home. 20 inches of snow, high temps in the single digits, light showing through the tears in the roof of the Metrodome. I suppose this is where I should start saying that even though I'm in Paradise, I miss "the seasons". That would be a lie. 80 degrees every day is underrated in every way. My car starts, I wear shorts, and I can take a dip in the ocean to get shots like the one above. Click on it and it should give you a larger photo...check out the Sand Camo Fish! I have no idea what they're actually called, but they will sit absolutely still when you get near them, only to spaz out en masse and swim in 20 different directions before finding another place to chill. The underwater camera was a good purchase, and I'm going to try my hand at getting some video at some point. With the current it's difficult to keep it completely still...here's hoping I don't end up with 15 minutes of "Blair Witch"-style footage of non-descript coral formations.

Big news on the job front: I picked up a second job at the local college (Northern Marianas College) teaching "The Dynamics of Substance Abuse". I landed the job after a six minute phone conversation with the guy in charge of recruiting, and I'll be starting sometime in January. Seriously, a six minute phone call:

NMC Guy: "Is this Steve?"

Me: "Yes it is"

NMC Guy: "I saw that you were interested in teaching as an adjunct professor at NMC"

Me: "That's correct"

(five minutes of chatter about my education and work history)

NMC Guy: "Ok! Well, you should probably get an application in to the college. Meet with me sometime before Christmas so I can get you the textbook and we'll go from there"

I was a bit confused at the time as it seemed as though I had pretty much gotten the offer already. I turned the application in the next day and went to NMC Guy's office to say hello and let him know I had officially thrown my hat in the ring.

NMC Guy: "Welcome Aboard!"

Me: "Soooo...that's it? I'm your guy?"

NMC Guy: "Yep!"

Say it with me one more time: God Bless Saipan. The gig will pay me enough to fly home this summer, and after looking at the textbook it appears as though it will be an easy class. Indeed, the knowledge of drugs I gleaned through my formative years in the NSP will be put to good use. I'll keep you posted on any developments, however for right now it seems I will be Professor Jents from 5:00 to 6:25pm on Mondays and Wednesdays. Not to say that being a high school teacher isn't great and rewarding and all of those warm words that compensate for the lack of a decent income, however I feel like my elementary school teachers would sleep a bit easier knowing that they produced a teacher at the post-secondary level. Slainte.

Ask for underwater photos and you shall receive (what's up Uncle Gerry). I know I've been drilling the "you seriously have to be here to see this shit" point into your eyes on this blog over and over again, but...you seriously have to be here to see this shit. A quick dunk of your head underwater coupled with a scuba mask and you are in a Disney movie. Once you realize that none of the fish want anything to do with you beyond their initial curiosity, you can start moving about, hovering just far enough below the surface to reduce the sun's glare. Buoyancy is a non-issue for the most part, as salt water does a much better job than it's fresh counterpart in keeping you afloat. This is a good thing, as my swimming skills fall somewhere in between "staying alive" and "Michael Phelps after six bong hits". I'm not sure you can enlarge the above photo, but if you look closely enough you can see color-crayon yellow and blue fish among the coral. If there's a color out there you can imagine, there's a fish out here that is covered in it.

I've started teaching my students Sociology...wow. There's a huge disconnect between what the kids out here know and what I'm used to in The States. Just going over small ideas like social class and status symbols is difficult as the only window they have into the Western world is MTV. Social classes on Saipan, for the most part, are determined by ethnicity first and last name second. Camacho, Sablan, Tenorio, Dela Cruz: You're doing ok. If you're Filipino, Chinese, Bangladeshi, etc: You'd better be good at fixing things. Regardless, it's been a fun transition and I hope my students leave J-102 with a better understanding of the world.

I know, I know...another sunset pic. I'm posting them for posterity, and also when I eventually move home and want to see them again in proper context.

BONUS ROUND!!!

-Neighbor Dude Harry dropped off a few dozen brown coconuts last week. Brown coconuts are much sweeter and carry more flavorful milk that the green ones I have gotten used to, which is actually saying something. It's crazy to see tropical fruit as it should be...I'm not sure if I can make a fair comparison, but I'll give it a go. Tropical fruit from the tree = Surly Beer. Tropical fruit you get at Cub Foods: The Miller Lite that's been in the back of your fridge since July 4th.

-If you haven't already, add me on Skype...my user name is sjents. I've been talking to more and more people recently and it's been great to catch up. I will absolutely take you on a tour of my place and show you the view. I think I'm up to 15 or 16 Eff You's at this point when I flip the Mac around so people can see the ocean from my apartment. Hey, it's not my fault you live in the frozen tundra!

-If I travel over Christmas break it will be to the islands of Yap and Chuuk (Federated States of Micronesia). Not sure if I'll be able to make the dough work out, however you'd best believe I'll get some photos if I make it out there.

-I hope you still believe me when I say that it's never too late to become a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Plenty of room on the bandwagon...watch out for all of those Super Bowl rings.

-Awesome island moment of the day: I was driving with Andy and saw something that, while not shocking in Saipan, would be considered insane in The States. Apparently 6 people needed to get somewhere in a sub-compact car (it looked like an old Plymouth Horizon). 4 people were seated in the vehicle, and the other two were...well...standing on the back bumper and were leaning over the back windshield and roof of the car as it was driving, hanging on for their lives. At 30mph. Down one of the two main roads on the island. In broad daylight. Somehow it didn't seem strange at the time. Again, one's considerations regarding safety shift quite a bit after living here for awhile. Instead of "OHMYGODTHEY'RECRAZYWESHOULDDOSOMETHING!", people kind of honked and waved as they passed the car...kind of like a "I've been THERE before!" gesture. Good times.

Some things just don't know when to quit:

I give up.

Until the next one...

Trying To Drown A Crocodile

At long last...representing my area code. $3.30 spent at Ace Hardware, 5 minutes of labor, and voila: I now live in apartment Six-Five-One. But enough of that, we have work to do.

It's been an odd week or so since my last post. School has been amazing, as I am wrapping up Psychology class (more on that later) and am transitioning my students into Sociology, a subject I am much more familiar with. Still no definite word on what my role will be here next semester, and you cannot swing a cat at Marianas High School without running into all kinds of speculation. Most folks seem to think the Alternative Education program won't exist until next year...we'll see what happens.

The last week has been taxing on my personal possessions. I was a victim of theft for the first time on the island when a pair or my sunglasses were snatched from my car as I laid at the beach. Reason to be bummed out: They were my favorite and most effective sunglasses to use while riding a motorcycle. Reason to not be bummed out: I left my windows down and my car unlocked. Exactly...my own damn fault. It definitely served as a quick reminder that while everyone seems to be all smiles on Saipan, there are still kids that will go through your shit when you're not around. I'm confident that it was a kid, as he took a $75 pair of Anon sunglasses and left two multitools ($140 total) and a nice flashlight sitting in my car. No biggie, it's a small island and I'll see those shades on someone soon enough. Can't wait. Regardless, it doesn't end there:

-Another pair of sunglasses (The Ray-Ban Aviators...cue "Taps") bit the dust as they fell from my shirt pocket at school and the right lens cracked. I simply pushed the lens out of the frame and continued to wear them for the rest of the day, sans one lens. As I've mentioned before, the kids out here are very excitable, and I drew a few dozen comments, ranging from "Solid look!", to "MISTER! YOUR GLASSES ARE BROKEN!".

-The Camry suffered a flat tire last night, and as I opened the trunk this morning to begin the busted-knuckle endeavor of using a stock car jack to change the tire, I was overcome with equal parts confusion and joy: The spare was a full size tire. A few F bombs and grass stains later, I have 4 working tires. I'll get around to getting the spare replaced at some point. I will. Seriously. One of these days.

-Two of my T-shirts (The one that says "I Run My Block" and a light blue Twins shirt I bought at Target Field) fell victim last week to inconsistent water quality (see: chlorine) at the drop-off laundry place in Garapan. The lady that does my laundry was flinching before she even told me what had happened. Maybe she's tasted plenty of backhand due to substandard laundry service...who knows. Regardless, she just about nominated me for sainthood after I shrugged my shoulders and said "Well, shit happens I guess. Try not to let it happen again" before picking up the hamper and leaving. I saw her today and she was extremely gracious once again. I need to start working on getting some free laundry out of the deal. About a month ago I attempted to pick up my laundry before it was done, and Laundry lady let me have it. It's almost impossible to replicate the sound with words, however if you can imagine a 51 year-old Asian lady screaming "IT'S NOT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" at 135 decibels, you're getting close. "EEEESNOTDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHN" is about right.

But enough of that...no one likes a whiner, especially one enjoying 78 degree weather (with a breeze, suckas!) on December 4th.

That would be the entirety of my Psychology class. Like any other group of teenagers there's quite a few characters, and example #1 in my class is Johnnie. Johnnie says that he either wants to be an adult film star or an exotic dancer when he gets older. He's the one on the right with the grey shirt and plaid shorts. I tried telling him that he's not good-looking enough for either of his vocational pursuits, however I was rebuffed with a quick shake of his head before he said "But Mister, I'm ALREADY good looking". On Saipan "already" means "obvious", I think. Like, "I'm already in nice weather, I live in Saipan". Very odd. I took my class across campus to Andy's Biology class yesterday to conduct an experiment in Social Psychology. We presented "New Cheerios" to them and built up the fact that they would be the first people in the world to try them. Of course, we simply poured regular Cheerios into cups labeled "Original Cheerios" and "New Cheerios", however they were none the wiser. After our mole in the operation ate the "New Cheerios" in front of the class and gushed about how great they were, we turned them loose. After we collected the surveys we gave them (signed by Alphonzse "Ace" Chicago, the fictional Senior Vice President of General Mills' International Marketing Department) we collected the data and saw that 75% of the kids said they preferred the "New Cheerios" to the original ones. I took video of me revealing the secret to the 35 or so kids in the class...it's hilarious because you can see that some kids understand right away what happened, and others are confused until I say the words "both cups contained the EXACT SAME THING". Then: Lightbulbs and embarrassment. Great times, and I'll get the video up on the blog when I figure out how to do it.

Rule #1 of being a Gecko: If your tail gets chopped off, don't hide underneath a refrigerator. I swept this bad boy out a few days ago. For perspective, those are 12" x 12" tiles. In other lizard news, there are two or three Emerald Tree Monitor Lizards chilling in a pile of downed reeds/coconut tree branches/various wood behind my apartment building. Locals call them "Hilitai" (Heel-eee-Tye), and they are much more coordinated and cool to watch than Geckos. Honestly, living in Saipan is like being in the middle of a "Planet Earth" episode. Most of the time it's fantastic, however when you're driving your beat-up Camry up a rocky driveway at 1:45 in the morning and you feel something crawling on your leg and you can't see it (no interior lights) and you can feel that it weighs WAAAY more than a mosquito, you start re-evaluating shit real quick. "Are they 100% sure there aren't any poisonous bugs or lizards here", "Is that thing stationary, or is it crawling up my leg", "If I slap it in an attempt to kill it, will it bite me 75 times, undoubtedly leading to me crashing my car into a mango tree?". One must take a deep breath and leave it be, as in almost all cases the critter will find something more interesting to perch on. Still, though...it's a decent adrenaline rush for ten seconds.

BONUS ROUND!

-As the above sign illustrates, the concept of pluralization completely escapes folks out here. Saipan treats the letter 'S' like most amateur chefs treat basil...it's almost never used at the proper times. The photo was taken at Lauren's old apartment building and she has since move into the apartment between me and Andy. She lives in apartment 602 (Phoenix's area code), and she has introduced us to a southwestern delicacy which goes by the name of Bill Johnson's BBQ sauce. Get on it.

-More food? Why not? Poki has been a true find...it's a Polynesian/Micronesian dish consisting of slightly seared ahi tuna, some sort of teriyaki/soy/peanut sauce, and sesame seeds. A plate/bowl of this stuff disappears in short time, so get your fork/chopsticks/fingers ready when it comes out.

-Appetizers are called "chasers" here. I'm not sure what to make of this yet, but it's fantastic when a waitress drops a bowl of salted-in-the-shell peanuts on your table (!) and tells you to "enjoy your chaser". Right on.

-There's a public cat which has spent a few nights on Andy's balcony, opting to sleep in his camping chair vs. the jungle. If he sticks around for a sizeable portion of next week we may adopt him with triple joint custody being shared between Andy, myself, and Lauren. Also, there's a relatively newborn public puppy near my place and I may nab it at some point. We'll see.

Until next time...

I Stand Alone In My Four Cornered Room

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching I've been asked several times as to what I'll be doing out on the island. True, while the thought of a turkey dinner with family blinks in my mind like an old neon sign in North Vegas, you must remember the following:

-It's still 80 degrees here during the day, and,

-I'm 7,000 miles away from friends and family.

Thus, I'll be forgoing the traditional schedule that I had at home of going out to the bar on Wednesday night and trying not to get caught up in a conversation with someone I didn't really talk to in high school, eating a decent amount (but not too much...need to watch the figure) of food while catching some football with my Dad on Thursday, and going over the "should I really be waking up at 4:00AM to go to Kohl's?" debate in my head before compromising and scouring the internet for deals. Instead I resolved to make it easy on myself this year and go to a local resort, drop $15 on a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and heading home to lesson plan (aka drink Filipino rum). It seemed innocent enough until Lauren (another teacher here) won some sort of a crazy raffle which resulted in her taking delivery of a ham, spuds, pie, etc. Indeed, it appears as though the Norf Side will be eating well on Thursday night.

The photo above is a view of the horseshoe pit Andy and I have created in our yard. Top ten in the world? Top ten in the world. We've been playing with increasing regularity and I've gotten quite a bit better at it. Good times all around. A few days ago six or seven local kids (ages: just under a year to 6th grade) provided us with an audience and as we neared the end of our last game they mustered up the courage to come closer. After we finished we introduced ourselves and showed them how to play, standing them 4 or 5 feet away from the stakes and letting them have at it. There's no way I'm letting that happen again without getting a picture, as every one of these kids are beautiful island children and they are hilarious. We hung out throwing the shoes with them for about 45 minutes before the darkness intruded, and that was that. The next day they saw us coming home from school and ran down the hill bearing the gift of tangerines. Tangerines here, while green on the outside (even when ripe), are AMAZING. It's honestly like someone took a tangerine and added juice and sugar.

Oh, Triple J Super Fresh...how I wish you had a consistent supply of anything. There's a island cooler there (not like this island...like, the coolers that are waist high that go down the middle of your grocery store) that has something different almost every week. One week: Bacon. The next week: Brats. The next week: Freshly caught fish and shrimp in Coleman coolers. The next week: Hillshire Farm Kielbasa. Seriously, if you see something you like here you need to buy A LOT of it as you have no idea when you'll see it again. One thing I've learned to live without: Orange Juice. When it's $7 for a paper carton (1/2 gallon) of Minute Maid, the Vitamin C content in a roll of Starburst starts to look like a valuable proposition. Nonetheless, if you're buying anything out here and you'd like it to be fresh, Triple J is where it's at. Truth in advertising indeed.

I don't have many students, but the ones I have...ok, yeah, they're not easily motivated. It's difficult to get kids to learn when they see the cycle of "Turn 18-Have Children-Government Subsistence and Food Stamps" their entire lives. I'm not passing a value judgement...after all, for all I know they could care less about working for a living. They live different lives than you and I, so it's difficult to know where ethnocentrism stops and responsibility starts. Regardless, 1/3 of my class is visible in the photo and I'll definitely get some pics of the full class soon.

Bonus Round!

-If you're coming out here anytime soon, you'll be dealing with Geckos at some point. I'm losing the battle against these mofos, as at any time after 6pm there will be one to three smaller ones on my ceiling in my apartment as well as two or three on the ceiling of my balcony. They don't bother me, and I don't mess with them. For what it's worth: Nick, I'm sorry that I got you and Marnie a gecko for your couples shower gift like three years ago. I know it was a bit insensitive (not to mention poor form), however it was really just a statement against men attending wedding showers (especially couples showers...ugh). There were better ways of going about it, sure, but the fact that I transported the lizard from the pet store to my brother's in a MOTORCYCLE SADDLEBAG should count for something, no? Anyhow, my bad. Now please take the black magic gecko curse off of me.

-Praying Mantises (Manti?) are some bad boys. They take out spiders which are larger than them, and take care of business as efficiently as a ninja. Quick, painless, done. It's also considered some sort of horrible bad luck to kill one, thus I'll be kindly escorting them from the premises should the need arise. Grasshoppers suck, though...I kill them left and right.

-You can see more pictures from Managaha and the island at large on my Facebook page. Don't be shy.

-I've been covering perception and sensation in Psychology class. Check out moillusions.com for some cool optical illusions...easily the best lesson plan I've done so far on Saipan.

-I proposed starting a boxing club at Marianas High School, however the idea was dismissed out-of-hand by the principal. I can't blame him...with the amount of machismo and pride out here I'm certain that these boys would fight until they were hamburger.

-Homemade tacos: Just as good across the Pacific Ocean. Add some Tinian hot pepper (what up Amy) and you have yourself a delicious replacement for a Nedi Pot. Speaking of, my immune system has adjusted to the area, however there is a recent flu and TB scare at school so stay tuned.

-Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and please, please, PLEASE start commenting if you have time. Your feedback is crucial as I have no idea if I'm writing about the things ya'll are interested in.

-Chinese Coke = Mexican Coke = The Coke I grew up with = Coke with sugar in lieu of partially hydrogenated corn syrup. Chinese Coke is readily available everywhere on the island...again, I can see why diabetes is prevalent here. Doesn't matter much, though: Old school Coke cannot be defeated.

Until the next one...

It Feels Good To Be The Villain Sometimes

Some harvests are different from others. One may have a combine, others a scythe, others still a sharpened stick and a canoe. The harvest never ends when you have a machete, though, as you can see above. Indeed, I have bananas today. And tomorrow. And...

I was lucky enough to be chosen as a chaperone for Japanese exchange students and their Marianas High School counterparts to the island of Managaha. Managaha is the burial site of a Carolinian leader named Chief Aghurubw, and it also happens to be a ridiculously gorgeous island filled with equal parts white sandy beach, the coolest-looking water in Saipan (it's within the lagoon but far away from land, hence no pollution at all), and jungle. To the island!!!!

The "Al Bundy" pose with Saipan as a backdrop...I'm just now starting to develop a tan. Seriously though, it was odd seeing Saipan from even a thousand feet away. You can see nearly the entire island from Managaha, which is confusing and hilarious at the same time. I'd rank it somewhere in between seeing a mirror in a mirror in a mirror and seeing earth from space. Quite humbling to know that my place of residence can be easily crushed by any four year-old with decent perspective and an ability to pinch his or her fingers together.

This tree is in the middle of the island and serves as a counterpoint to what you've been taught regarding tree/branch/root structures. The friggin' thing has like...legs growing into the ground! This is a few feet away from the Chief's tomb, however that will have to be a picture for another time as they are taking quite awhile to load this evening and I have more to share with ya'll.

Your "oh yeah, they fought a war there" pic of the week. I can't blame the Japanese artillery dudes for this one. I mean...if you had to hang out by a huge gun all day long, wouldn't you want this view?

In school-related news, I'm making the transition from psychology to sociology very soon...I hope my students can make the connection between the two, and more importantly, to their lives. It's difficult to think that kids who can barely grasp verb conjugation and proper grammar will absorb some of the abstract concepts I teach, however there are choice moments of clarity which make it all worthwhile. For instance, I am smack dab in the middle of teaching a "Personality and Behavior" unit, and I asked the kids a few questions:

Me: "Do any of you have a problem with your mom or dad? Specifically, if you're a girl, do you fight alot with your mom? If you're a boy, do you fight alot with your dad?"

Students: (various shouts of acknowledgement, almost every hand in the class is up)

Me: "Well, it's a good thing that you're sitting right now, because here's some news for you: you're probably going to become exactly like your parents someday"

Student A: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm never going to be like them, mister!"

Me: Give it ten years, maybe fifteen. It will happen"

Student A: "I'm never going to be like my parents! Never!"

Me: "That's exactly what I said when I was your age"

Student A: "But I'm different. I'm not like everyone else who becomes their parents!"

Me: "I said that too when I was your age"

Student A: "But..."

Student B (interrupting): "I'm almost already like my mom. I don't want it to be true, but it is"

Me: "Exactly. It's just a fact of life"

Student A: "But I'm different...I swear, mister!"

Me: "Were you born as a human being. I mean, no reincarnation, no alien monkeybusiness, no black magic...you had a natural birth?"

Student A: "Yes mister!"

Me: "Then you'll likely be like your parents...it's that easy"

Student A: "But what if I don't like my parents?"

Me: "You will"

I recently went over the 5k hit mark on this site. If you don't think I check the numbers on a consistent basis, well, you don't know me that well. Seriously, though, I am humbled by the amount of people who visit this site...please start commenting! Let me know what you want to see from the island, I'll get a pic for you!

Photo of the bus bench near my crib? Photo of a bus bench near my crib. Check the graffiti, son!

Ok, ok, ok...one more for the people in MN who had a snowstorm blow through recently. This is Managaha from a distance, the place where I spent Monday "at work":

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Until the next one...

This Time Machine Doesn't Work

For those of you whom requested a baseball pic, there you be. Those kids comprise the Marianas High School Baseball team. I guess I should really say "comprised", as we lost our playoff game on Saturday to the ever-dangerous Kagman High School Ayuyus (Chamorro for "Coconut Crabs". I can't talk enough about the kids on the team...they grab the equipment from my car and bring it back after the games. They say "thanks coach" non-stop. After the game they all tip their hats to the crowd and say "Si Yuus Ma'ase" ("Thank you") in unison. They will sprint across campus to ask me what kid will be our starting pitcher for our next game. And yes, in case you're wondering, the "hang loose" hand sign is the default photo pose out here. Other things that aren't just stereotypes: Everyone out here listens to island-type music (reggae, steel drums, etc). NOTHING ever starts on time...you must adjust your schedule for 30-minute delays for something as minor as meeting for a beer. It's at once comforting and frustrating to experience "island time"; one is never rewarded for showing up early/on time, yet it you're running 15 minutes behind for whatever reason...no biggie. They'll wait for you.

I awoke on Tuesday (we had the day off for Election Day...I love teaching!) and began my morning routine of grabbing a Diet Coke from the fridge and firing up the MacBook to get caught up on the world. I shut my air conditioning off (I know...AC in November. HA!) and opened the sliding door going from my bedroom to my balcony. I grabbed the screen door and closed it in an attempt to keep the insects out. After the door was shut I got my wits about me and saw this thing on the inside of the screen door:

It was about 2" from my face, and seeing as how I'm not a morning person my thought process took a bit of time to catch up with reality: "Huh, look at that thing"..."Wow, that's the biggest spider I've ever seen"..."Um, that's on the inside of the screen door, and the glass door is open, meaning there's nothing between me and this thing except air and opportunity"..."Now would be a good time to shut the glass sliding door"...(pace around room for 5 minutes, not taking my eyes off of the spider for one second).

Wow. I'm fortunate to not be an arachnophobe lest I would have plowed my way out of my apartment, leaving a Bugs Bunny-esque outline of myself in the front door. I simply let this guy do his thing, however after a few hours I chased him away with a broom. If you're wondering, his leg span was easily the size of my hand, and you could easily see his eyes and fangs with a casual glance. This would be a Giant Crab Spider...not poisonous, and in fact they take out large bugs such as roaches and grasshoppers, so I'm not 100% opposed to having them around the place. Just not on my screen door...yeesh. I wanted to capture him and make a mini-colloseum that I would drop geckos into until I found a lizard with enough heart to take this mofo down, but I wasn't sure how to capture a spider that big without killing it.

A few island updates:

-The House of Reps out here legalized marijuana this week. The word on the street is that the Senate will kill the measure, however it's crazy to think that I could live in a place where "I'll take a pack of Marlboro's, $25 on pump 3, and a bag of Saipan Gold with some rolling papers". I will absolutely keep you posted, as if that law passes I can imagine I'll be having a few more visitors.

-The election here was a non-event. The incumbent congressional delegate won by a huge margin and there doesn't seem to be any remorse about it. Fun fact: I can't vote out here, as I'm not at least 25% indigenous. Hopefully the campaign signs will start coming down and I can see what this place looks like when it's not blanketed with "Vote #3" signs. Yes, they've dumbed down campaign signs to include which position on the ballot a person's name appears. Great times.

-I may have to include the island of Yap in my travel plans. They still use stone currency for some transactions...crazy. We're talking some thatched-hut living quarters, folks. They could still do human sacrifices for all I know. Either way, the place looks amazing. I'm thinking Yap, Palau, and Australia are the three destinations for sure. Now I just need to figure out how to make it work!

-The first quarter of school comes to an end this Friday...tough to believe I've been here for that long already. I'm looking into sports to coach over the "winter" months as I believe I'll be back on the diamond coaching girls fast pitch softball in April. If golf is an option, I'm all over it. Day one of practice: Be the ball. Day two of practice: Be the ball.

-We do not have daylight savings here, as CHST (Chamorro Standard Time) is consistent throughout the year. Thus, those of you in MN will now be 16 hours behind me. Friday and Saturday nights for you are still the best times to get ahold of my via phone, Facebook, or Skype. It's still light when I wake up and when I get out of work here, hopefully that doesn't change. That is honestly the worst stretch of winter back home; dark when you go to work, dark when you get out. Ugh.

-While liquor sales are supposedly done at 10pm each day, beer/booze can certainly be bought after that time. Just ask for a black plastic bag when you walk in, they know the drill. Bag your beer, bring it to the front, they ring it up as something else, and off you go. It's kind of fun to do...you feel like a combination of James Bond and Barney from The Simpsons.

-I changed up the format of the blog's design recently. I took most of the older posts off the front page, added a "popular posts" column on the right hand side, and there's a page counter at the bottom (damn near 5k hits!). If anyone has any design suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

-Random ocean photo? Random ocean photo:

Until next time...

When All You Have Is What You Have

Quick thoughts from the island...with only one photo. Those are some Mangos which I will be enjoying in short order. The skin is uneatable, which is to say that if you eat it, you'll be in some sort of gastro-intestinal hell. The innards, however, are the fountain of youth.

-Glad to see the MN gubernatorial race in a dead heat. Nothing says "why we can't we all just get along" more than a split decision heading into a recount. For those of you whom are invested in politics, let this be a lesson: There are as many people in this world that disagree with you that agree with you. It's a beautiful thing, really.

-If you check the Saipan Tribune's website and fish around for a bit you'll see my prognostication vis a vis the World Series (Not sure of the publish date...check 10/29 and 10/30). Glad to know I can pick a winner from a few thousand miles away.

-I miss my people. My grandma sent me a b-day card...I'm 31 for Christ's sake. I miss her. I miss my brother and my sister-in-law and Bug like crazy. They sent me a B-Day box with a dope shirt and some non-perishibles. So did my folks. So did my sister, brother-in-law, E-Unit, and Crash. I miss hanging out at the Winchester (Roddy's). I miss weekends in Siren. I miss regrettable weeknight excursions in South MPLS with LT and/or KC and Bekah. I miss regrettable weeknight motorcycle rides with Slade. I miss regrettable weekend nights in Stilly. I miss my aunts, my uncles, my cousins. I miss the NSP, and everyone who grew up on 18th,19th, and Helen. I miss the 2312 crew. I miss random "what are you doing? nothing? I'm on my way over" evenings on Orange Ave on the East Side. I miss Sundays on the couch watching football all day in The Swag Palace. I miss all of it.

-I am absolutely more qualified than Brad Effing Childress to be the head coach of the Vikings. X's and O's may go a certain distance on the field, but pissing away a 3rd round draft pick for 4 mostly unproductive weeks from a Wide Receiver is not a good trade. I'll say it again: It's never too late to become a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. If someone can create a "Saipan to the Super Bowl" marketing campaign that results in me being hired as a coach, I promise that I'll get you a cushy job in the organization.

-One for the road: I've been teaching psychology for the last two months and we've just gotten into the 'Sleep and Dreams' unit. My students are finally excited about something in class, and it's easy to realize why: If you think about dreams and what they may mean (www.dreammoods.com), you will automatically put yourself into a position to dream more. I have no idea why, but since I've been preaching the different interpretations of dreams I can't stop myself from having them. So here's my challenge to you: Take the two most recent dreams you have had along with the two recurrent dreams you have had earlier in your life (don't be cool about it; we all have had them) and find out the meanings of them on the website. The meanings may not be accurate (again, it's an interpretation of your dream), but the very act of thinking about them will kick-start something in your head and you'll start dreaming more. Crazy stuff.

Until the next one...Mahalo.

Karma Doesn't Boil Away

God Bless Saipan. For those of you who don't see what's wrong in this photo, that's a Toyota VAN that has been modified into a pick-up truck. My guess is they used a Sawzall and a few dozen blades to get the job done. Regardless, this triumph of Saipanese engineering is piloted by Emory, the hardest working man in High School Maintenance. At 3:00pm each day the truck is driven around campus to collect trash...it's very reminiscent of the "Bring Out Your Dead!!!" scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Halloween is a much bigger deal here than I thought it would be. Large parties, somewhat-skeezy promotions at bars, and the dreaded lines at the department stores. That shit is exactly the same here...parents are pissed off that they have to wait 30 minutes to spend $25 on a plastic mask that will be garbage on 11/1, kids are pissed off because they wanted to be a fucking ZOMBIE and not Spiderman, the cashier is pissed off because she's had to tell 100 people that the Snickers, while in the display with the rest of the $1.99 candy, cost $4. I can sympathize with the cashier, though...even a three-year old knows Snickers dominate Tootsie Rolls. Anyhow, as you can see I made it out last night dressed up as Random Jersey Shore Guy. I know, too easy, but I'm not the type that usually dresses up, so I just went with what I had on hand. Not in the picture: The gel-aided fauxhawk on my head and abs that I drew on myself with a Sharpie. In the picture: Me and Edz, whose real name is probably "Kryptonite". She's dressed like a mermaid. Or a genie...it doesn't matter. The kids at school were worked up about Halloween all week, and on Friday we had a 1pm dismissal followed by a student fair where one could walk around, eat some sugary food, and take in the student skits/group dances:

Group dancing out here is a big deal, so much in fact that every grade level and extra-curricular club had their time on stage to pop and lock. One dance skit involved two boys with one dressed up as a women. The kids LOST THEIR SHIT during this number, which isn't saying much. The kids here are extremely excitable and it is a constant challenge to balance motivating them through humor and losing them for 10 minutes because they simply can't stop laughing at a joke. Good times all around. Speaking of kids here (and people here in general), anyone who spends time in Saipan will observe how genuine the folks here are. Being nice is a good thing, for sure, but people here are so real that it's tough to not think that someone is pulling your leg. Two examples:

1) Andy and I were looking for a student activity group-sponsored BBQ last weekend. We thought we were a bit lost at first as we couldn't find any high school kids grilling in the pavilions where the aforementioned BBQ was taking place. We approached a pavilion which looked promising, only to find out that is was a birthday party for a local kid. As we were asking someone if they knew where we might find our destination, a dude came from out of nowhere to look at our admission ticket.

Local dude (looking at ticket): "Oh, that's going on at Kilili Pavilion, it's right over there"

Us: "We already looked there, there aren't any school people there and the Pavilion is filled with another family."

Local dude (incredulous): "What? It is???" (calls another local dude over) "Do you know about this? Do you know about the school BBQ? Someone else is in that pavilion right now!"

Other local dude: "Are you sure? That doesn't sound right"

Local dude #1: "That's what these guys are saying"

Local dude #2 (to us): "Oh...I'm sorry guys, it looks like your BBQ isn't going on right now. If you want we can check around for you to see if they are somewhere else"

Us: "We're good, but thanks for helping out"

2) I was talking to my students about Halloween and how much I love Take 5 candy bars. None of them had heard or seen the confection before, and they refused to believe me when I was telling them how delicious they are. As I'd seen them at a local market, I offered to pick some up to bring on the Friday before Halloween. One of my students, Austin, had clearly just had his mind blown by the very mention of the Take 5 bar.

Austin: "Mister...I've never heard of the Take 5 before"

Me: "Oh, it exists...it's fantastic"

Austin (more animated): "But sir, I love chocolate, I eat chocolate bars all the time, I...I've never heard of the Take 5. I've never seen a Take 5. I just...how can there be a delicious candy bar out there that I don't know of?"

Me (skeptical): "Are you sure you're not just saying this so I bring some of them to class?"

Austin (clearly offended at this point): "Mister, I'm just saying that if this Take 5 bar exists and it's as good as you say it is, I need to have one. I'm going to be thinking about the Take 5 until I have one. I'm trying to think of how it will taste...."

Me: "Ok.....I'll bring them in Friday"

I brought them in Friday. Austin's new favorite candy bar: The Take 5.

Take it easy, folks. Enjoy the snow!!

Tell Me About The Golf Shoes

There she be...the Island Field of Dreams. "Tan Ko" Palacios field is the only recognized "Official" ballfield on the island. Naturally, the high school teams split time there with other leagues on the island as well as international teams who make stops in Saipan. Our season is only two weeks old, yet will be over in another two weeks before our playoffs begin. Why, you ask? There are Korean pro teams that use this field for their winter league, and like everything else on the island, $$$ = Access. I guess you could say the same about the rest of the free world, but the effect here is much more pronounced. The photo above contains two players whom are technically ineligible to play (academic reasons), however they play anyway...again, welcome to Saipan. The squad is 1-2-1 as of now and we have two more games this week. I'll try to get some action shots, or at least one of me coaching at third base giving some sort of signal. I LOVE that part of coaching.

It may be difficult to discern what is in the above photo...it's the view from the second level of G.I.G., the island's premier dance club. I hit G.I.G. up on the evening of my birthday with Lauren, Andy, and David (he's been pictured in this blog before...check out the Bird Island pics and find the dude with the dreadlocks). Good times were had by all, and for awhile I forgot that I was away from home. The DJ gave me a shout-out for my birthday and referred to me as "the hardest m*therf*cker at Marianas High School", which is hilarious because there were students in the club that evening. "High School students in a dance club on a Friday night?" you ask. Yup...one of them even bummed me a Marlboro. One more time, say it with me: Welcome to the island. I did mention that it was my birthday...I'm 31 now. Still on the calendar for one more year, however I'm only four away from eligibility regarding election to president. Jents in 2016: "Because it can't get worse".

Take a guess at what the red thing in the photo is. A flower? An underwater flower? A hair binder that has made its way to the ocean floor? Nope. It's coral. That stuff is insane, and I implore any one of you who hasn't seen it to do a Google image search and look at the different types. I always thought coral was the jagged, rocky-type stuff that comprised the majority of The Great Barrier Reef (5th Grade Social Studies IN THE HOUSE!), however it's much more than that. Quick rule of thumb: If you want to see really bright-colored fish in the ocean, go towards the really brightly-colored coral. Guaranteed results.

Random Island topics:

-The Palms Resort (check earlier blog posts for photos) has officially closed. They are saying that they are "renovating their rooms" and will re-open in 18 months, however I don't see any construction going on. Methinks they are waiting for some sort of tax relief to finally run out before they blow the mofo up.

-It's been pouring here, likely as a result of Typhoon Megi hitting China. Puddles in the street come halfway up to the windows in the Camry, so one has to really WANT to go somewhere before leaving home. I was hoping to squeeze 18 holes in today, however as of 10:00am it doesn't look pretty. This is some monsoon-type precipitation...we're talking three straight days of rain with almost no breaks. Yeesh.

-A dozen brown local farm eggs in Saipan: $3. The chickens here must all drive Audis.

-Things the island is running low on: Rolling Rock beer, tortilla chips, and decent bacon. I feel as though I'm singlehandedly responsible for any potential shift in the supply/demand curve in Saipan. You know...if the concept of supply and demand existed here.

-There are rumors of a $500 4 day/3 night trip to Australia (that's airfare from Saipan and hotel). I'm absolutely going to look into this, as I'm certainly not going to Japan over Christmas break. I came here to be away from winter...why would I pay money to see snow? Anyhow, Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy!

Adios, peeps.

On To The Next One...

This is one of the many views from Marianas Country Club, located 1 minute north of me in the village of Marpi. I spoke about it in my last post, however imagery never hurts. Indeed, it's pretty tough to get pissed about a 3-putt bogey when you see things like this as soon as you pick the ball up from the hole. I'm likely golfing again today (Sunday), however I may try another course on the island.

I checked out Old Man By The Sea last weekend. Large rock formations/coral formations like the one to the left of this photo are EVERYWHERE on the beaches out here, and they provide ample housing for coconut crabs and would-be squatters. That's if the island had squatters; I think the last count was that there were two homeless people on the island. With all of the abandoned buildings from the "makin' it rain" days of a couple decades ago, it would be nearly impossible to not have a roof over your head. Regardless, I was donating my time once again to the English Language-Learning group of Korean kids. Tasked with keeping Hyun-Ki alive for the day (HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!), I navigated the paths and rocks down to the beach along with the rest of the group. Once we made it to sea level, Hyun said he was ready to "fight the ocean". I put my money on the water, however it was a toss-up. I mean, would you want a piece of this kid?

Apropos of nothing, I do believe that McDonald's breakfast is a cure for several ailments. My cold/sore throat finally feels like it's going away, my short bout with homesickness has subsided, and the ridiculous sodium content will help me retain some water (it's still 85 degrees here). Ok, fine...that last one was just to rub it in everyone's faces in MN. Have fun when it snows in a few weeks, folks!

Random observations from the island:

-Gay relationships are frowned upon, however lesbian relationships are completely normal and are in the open. I see it quite a bit at school each day...it's a strange double-standard.

-There is quite a bit of anti-Filipino sentiment on the island. In fact, the predominant form of racism here is the Chamorro resentment of immigrants from the Philippines. It's very odd, as the Filipino contingent here represents 95% of the service industry. To paraphrase "Fight Club": They make our meals, they drive our taxis, they guard us while we sleep. They shouldn't be messed with.

-My housewares situation is abysmal, and it's finally starting to take its toll on me. Only having 2 towels = Doing laundry every five days. No microwave = No leftovers = Wasted food. No Toaster = No Toast = Less-Appetizing Bagels. I need to get to some garage sales soon, as buying these things brand new would be a horrible waste of money.

-Silverware rusts overnight if you don't dry it immediately after washing it (yes, even the nice "Stainless" Steel stuff. In fact, I've gone through 2 dog tag chains since I've landed here and the Movado needs a new band. I guess it's just something you have to live with when you're near saltwater...

-Crazy Light-Blue Translucent Fish in a Tide Pool? Crazy Light-Blue Fish in a Tide Pool:

Until we meet again...

It Will Come Out In The Wash

I took the above photo at The Grotto, which is an internationally known diving spot. While I didn't hit the water there (I spent the day at Bird Island...more to come on that), I simply couldn't pass up the opportunity. Yes, there was a second rainbow not in the picture. Double Rainbow, all the way.

I'd like to mention that there are but 30 "followers" of this blog, yet I've had over 3,300 hits in just over a month. I cannot believe this level of support (seriously...there are people in CANADA reading this blog)

A few words to the wise before the show starts:

-A quick raise of both eyebrows is the same as saying "yes" on Saipan. It appeared at first to be a local custom, however most of the immigrant population (and some American poseurs) have adopted it as well. Go ahead and try it sometime at a meeting...guaranteed results.

-Mangos are delicious, and Mango Ice Cream is the crack-cocaine of frozen treats. I'm convinced that I need an ice cream maker with all of the different fruits and veggies (Guava, anyone?) that are literally within my reach.

-While it seemed like a HUGE DECISION to come out here, the quick acclimation process has put that into perspective. I can find Pringles and Diet Coke, albeit overpriced, at any market. My diet has indeed expanded, however the staples of Dry Roasted Peanuts, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and Bananas are still in full effect. I miss the pizza oven, though, and for that matter any place that has a pizza oven. I'm thinking Roddy's/The Winchester in specific. If you're there while reading this, start a collection for my flight home this summer. It could be like the shamrocks for MDA thing, only you could use palm trees as the collateral for people's currency.

-"Local" Beers ranked in order of my preference (best to gawd-awful): San Miguel Pale Pilsen, Asahi, OB (Oriental Brew), Hite, San Miguel Light

-Unless you're a teacher, you may want to postpone any ideas of coming out here to get a job. The government is shut down...thankfully the school system has "exempt" status from the job freeze. Local politics are a bloodsport here, and it's best to stay away unless you're a local. The shutdown has affected me personally, as the baseball field my team practices at has been locked up since 10/1. Onto the meat and potatoes...

Spiders here are highly evolved. This is a photo of an arachnid that has woven an "X" into the middle of his web to disguise his presence. You can barely see him from this side of his web, however he's roughly 5" long leg-to-leg, and you'd best believe he means business. Then again, I'm sure the geckos have figured this out, and the spider and his web disappeared two days after I took this photo. In other bug-related news, I took out a grasshopper the other night with a flick of the machete. Honestly, that thing is the great equalizer.

Oh yeah...Bird Island. I travelled out to the rock with Andy, Emily, a couple of our local friends, and their ELL (English Language-Learner) students last Saturday. Not ones to rest on our laurels, we navigated the rocky channel to the island itself and circumnavigated it on foot. The attitude out here is at once comforting and insane. If you were charged with bringing a half dozen or-so 4th and 5th graders to a scenic spot on the ocean, would you be concerned about coral outcroppings, a rising tide, and paths which are no more than 18" of slippery rocks which hang over splashing tide pools and boulders? I remember teachers getting skittish at the first sign of danger in The States ("make sure there's a safety patrol person at the sidewalk before crossing"). Out here, it's kind of Survival Of The Fittest. For those of you that think American kids need to man up, just send them to Saipan for a little while. "Oh, you really want to walk on those rocks where you have a twelve percent chance of slipping and dying? Go ahead!".

There are many more photos from Bird Island...so many, in fact, that I simply don't have the time to post them tonight. I promise you two more posts in the next five days. WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!!!

Rollin' Until The Wheels Fall Off

There she be. The things that don't work in my Camry vastly outnumber the things that do. To note: The radio, speedometer, tach, interior lights, and temperature gauge do not work. All doors besides the driver's have to be opened from the inside (I'm calling this my anti-theft system). It smells like Thai Food. The rear suspension constantly threatens to go out whenever I navigate my driveway. However, it gets me from Point A to Point B reliably, and that's really all you can ask for on this island for $1000. I may sell it after the rainy season and rent a motorcycle for the remaining months of this school year...we'll see.

I've put the better part of the last two decades of taste preference behind me and jumped into the world of fresh fish. Andy and I hit up a Farmers Market-esque gathering near Invasion Beach yesterday morning to check out what the locals were peddling. As I have access to numerous fruits/veggies/seasonings in my yard, I had little use for most of the market's wares. We quickly made our way to the fish stand, and the sign at the front read "Tuna = $1/lb". Coolers were opened, the final price was discussed, and we took home a recently caught skipjack/striped/aku tuna. For $4. Tah. I prepared enough potatoes to hedge against the possibility of me not liking the fish, and I sliced up a honeydew melon I bought from some dude in a pickup truck. Lauren and Emily made the trip up north and we picked at the potatoes until Andy came in with the grilled tuna steaks. A dumped a bit more of some onion/hot pepper/dill sauce on the steak and took my first bite of real fish in well over 15 years, and...

I liked it. I actually liked it. From what I can gather, the fish we had (while fresh) wasn't the greatest, however I could certainly eat it again. There is a decent amount of yellowfin (Ahi) out here which is supposedly superior to skipjack, so perhaps that will be my next venture into seafood.

In work-related news, my first baseball game is coming up quickly and I'll be teaching 4th period Psychology for the remainder of the semester. If I were at home I would consider all of these changes at work to be the equivalent of "screwing me around", however when you're on the island all you can do is laugh and roll with it. Speaking of the island, I checked out a small island off the eastern coast of Saipan yesterday...

Forbidden Island. Wow. Quite the hike down, quite the hike back up, but 100% worth it. There's a small tide pool located near the beach which is surrounded by coral and clocks in at 20 degrees cooler than the ocean, thus it was a perfect place to snorkel. It was really like swimming in a saltwater aquarium, so I was cramped by the photographer's dilemma: "I need this shot. I need that one too! And that one!". Seeing as how I don't have time to load them all onto this space right now, I figured I would at least post one. Check out this dude:

After some swimming and photography it was time to head for high ground as the sun was beginning to set on the other side of the cliff. The march up the hill/mountain/what-have-you, while taxing, provided me with some exercise. Much like AC/DC noted, it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. I mean a really, really long way. This isn't some Sir Edmund Hillary shit, but it's as close as you want to get wearing a pair of Stan Smiths (which are now officially destroyed. Farewell, young sirs. You served me very well on many a night in Stilly). In all seriousness, does this look like a hike you want to take in casual tennis shoes with no traction?:

Lesson Learned.

I miss a few things about home, however none so different that they warrant mentioning in this space. It's the usual stuff (family, friends, etc) that gets to you every once in awhile. Thank god for Skype and Facebook...I have no idea how people did this stuff before the internet. With all of that said, I've contracted my first illness on the island: The redoubtable Common Cold. Yuck. I'll do what I can to fight the malady with plenty of fluids. It's definitely times like these that I wish I had access to the NSP Winchester, a decent Walgreens, and Panera's Spicy Chicken Tortilla Soup. I'll get over it, though; there's always the beach.

Almost forgot...the blade(!):

Until next time.